I just happened upon this thread and it reminds me of my neighbors story, sort of.
Her H of 35 years left her this summer--while she was at a conference in CA. He left a note saying it was over, he hated her, not to ever contact him (talk about cold blooded!).
He wouldn't answer her calls or emails. She just didn't get it. over the past several months I spoke to her occasionally "So have you heard from Michael?" Nope, not a peep. She wanted so badly to know "why." Then a month or so ago she got divorce papers in the mail. Still, he refused to speak to her. Well, 2 weeks ago the police came to her house and told her that Michael was found dead--died of a heart attack in his sleep.
Can you beat that? So now she will never have an answer from his mouth. But you know what? Even if he had told her "why" would that have been closure for her? Would that have been reason enough or "made sense" why the man she loved, was married to for over 3 decades, had three children with, would suddenly and without warning leave her?
I highly doubt it.
Wantlove...what makes you upset the most? Is it because you love him and want him back? Is it because you take it personally and feel that your confidence has faltered in the wake of his crazy departure? Is it because you will feel unsettled until you have a reasonable explanation? Is it because you feel like you cannot move forward with this cloud of mystery hanging over you?
I would probably feel the exact same way as you if my XH stopped contact all together (frankly I'd rather that--you should read his mind numbing emails!). I'd feel like I was a piece of no good garbage that wasn't even worth the consideration of a "hello, how are you?" But I would be wrong in thinking that because I mean, how crazy is it to do that?! This is and always has been, about HIM. NO matter how good, bad or ungly your marriage was you made a choice to stay, he made a choice to leave.
You are thick in the mire and clearly still in very much pain and I think the question everyone is trying to ask you is why are you letting his actions, which you cannot control, control your happiness? Will his contacting you, even to "spew" truly be a relief? I know you think contacting you to spew would at least be a sign that he is thinking of you, but believe me, he IS thinking of you. Perhaps he has recurring nightmares about leaving you. Perhaps he is haunted by his actions and wants to shake them out if his head because he knows he screwed up and can never fix it.
HAve you ever had a friend you didn't contact for so long that you went even longer not contacting them because you felt guilty that it had been so long? And yet, you thought of them all the time because you knew you owed them a call or something.
YOu never know how people's minds are functioning and that is why we can never base our actions on the actions of others.
Anyway, I am sorry you are in such pain and I do wish you some relief from the heart ache. Life does get better...time is an amazing healer.
