Thanks for that peace. I will reread what you wrote because there are a lot of good points in there that I'm not fully absorbing at the moment.
I hate that seeing them happened to coincide with my PMS. I'm having a particularly hard day. I'm broken-hearted all over again. I don't want to be hurt by him anymore. And next time, what if my kids are with me? I don't want them to have to go through any more pain.
For those of you whose H's have introduced OW to kids, family - I really admire you for your strength. Just seeing them together has knocked me down so much more than I imagined it would.
To add insult to injury, H gave S5 a credit card to give to me. Apparently he's had it for 6 months, according to the validity date. It could be that it went unopened (as most of his mail does). But why give it to me now? It's as if he thinks spending his money will take my pain away - the same way my MIL spends my FIL's money. H might feel better about it, but I certainly won't. Doesn't mean I won't use it though. I could use some new clothes. And shoes. And maybe even a new bag. Oh, but wait, my MIL just gave me a new bag yesterday out of the blue. Did she hear about our little run-in? Is it her way of 'bribing' me to not file? Does she think I can be bought over with a nice bag? Or is it her way of telling me she understands my pain and is just trying to put a bandaid on my wound, distract me from my pain? I really don't know. There's no way she would've heard from my side, and I highly doubt that H said anything to her.
I avoided seeing H. Brought S2 to say goodbye to him when we were leaving, but S2 closed the door behind him and I didn't bother reopening it. I stayed outside of the room and H said I could bring home gifts that he bought them (yes, more guilt gifts). I said ok and bye without really looking at him, and left. I will do everything in my power to not have to speak to him.
I really don't know what my future holds. I'm thankful for this last incident in a way because it has hopefully allowed me to really let go. It wasn't the way I wanted to let go, but maybe the end result is all the same. After all, things never turn out the way you expect. I am desperately trying to find the good in this.
All the pain came back in a flash just seeing them and my H knows it - the real H. The man I saw that day disgusts me.
