Peicing hurts like hell and is harder than...

[LoginName]

So my W and I talked this morning. It's funny how I'll feel the pressure building on a topic, and then soon after my W and I will have a talk and I'll be surprised when that topic comes up. I wonder if I subconciously steer the conversation that way, or more likely, she is thinking about the same things.

My W broke down and cried a lot. She is suffering. She does feel bad.

I keep my feelings in, I'm worried that if I'm not positive, happy, optimistic, that my W will decide she can't win, I'll never forgive her and she'll want to end our M. I think I'm learning I have to face that fear and tell her what I'm feeling and thinking, even if it is scary in some ways.

She is opening up to me much more than she ever has (which still isn't much - she keeps so much inside).

And another thing I learned from this morning's talk. It's still not about me. My W is still facing the problems she's always had; feelings of inadequacy mainly, never good enough. Sure, I need to improve, can improve, and our R can improve, but she is still on her journey - and will be for the rest of her life (as I am on my own journey.)

This morning's talk gave me lots to think about. And even if my sitch is better than most, and things are going well, I still have hurdles and I see that people on the board still provide insight and perspective. Just like I'm going to open up more to my W, I will try to post more here too, open up, and get other perspectives.