Help, it seems my 35 year old wife is in MLC #11

[missmyfriend]

Imageer, I believe her statements to the children that she will never return is a warped (sorry, I don't mean that in disrespect to your wife; I am referring to her thought process) belief that she is being stable for the kids in saying this. In a way, it is good that she is not "all over the place" in this area for the children but I think it would be wiser that she say nothing at all rather than tell the kids something that she really doesn't know, IMO.

My W has said the same things to our children but they rarely ask her (probably because they are a couple of years older than your children). Our mutual friend (my coworker) did not say she would return but she did not say my W commented that it was over between me and her (our friend wouldve told me if she said it). Our friend was more concerned with me and the children and has stated that my W is very messed up so it may be best for all of us if we "move on".

You are, in some ways, in a better place in your R with your W because she asks you for your opinion and she desires it. She is keeping in touch with you. She is trying to stay connected. My W closes people off. It may not be a bad thing in my case because, as I could be mistaken, I think she avoids me because I think she feels she would fall right back where she was so easy, i.e. coming home and being the mom and wife she used to be. The sad thing is she doesnt know I do not want it to be the way it was. I want it to be better for both her and me, separate and together.

Imageer, I don't want to upset others here on this board, but if what I hear from you is accurate, I still do not believe this is going to be a permanent separation unless you make it so. Right now, it appears she acts as though she has two spouses, you and the OP. I don't think she is cake eating in this case. Most cake eaters are doing this because they are, to some extent, getting enjoyment out of this. I read no enjoyment for your W. I see a real need for her to have you in her life.

It is almost as though she is over a cliff and she is frantically trying to hold on to your hand with one arm while holding the OPs hand. And she doesn't want to let go even though the OP is desperately trying to pull on your W to pull her hand out of your grip. Your W doesn't want to let her go but she knows she needs you.

You show a lot of strength Imageer for your family. Hang in there.