I am trying so hard NOT to compare myself to ow. Now when those thoughts seep into my mind I try to just stop myself. It is very hard though.
I realized that all these feelings I thought I had overcome are actually just below the surface. I have more work to do, and I need to give myself more time to do it.
I am very disappointed in the way STBX treats the kids. It is shameful. I have tried to talk to him about it and it does no good. He keeps saying that he wants to get on a regular visitation schedule but yet there isn't one. I understand that it is hard and expensive since we live so far away, but HE is the one that encouraged me to move here to be near my family. HE knew it and he promised them he would come to see them. I don't know if I keep trying to talk to him about it or if I just keep my mouth shut.
I feel so badly for my kids. D5 had to write what she wants to happen at certain ages yesterday at girl scouts. At 6 he wants her dad to come back. She always seems like none of this bothers her, yet there it is.
I am trying to be the best mom I can. I don't always succeed, but I try.
STBX interview for a job while he was here. It is based in NYC but his folks told me that eventually he might be able to move here to AZ. For myself, I wish he wouldn't, I don't want to have to see him on a regular basis. But I realized if he did move here it would be so much better for my kids. They would be able to see him more, hopefully. It's all very iffy, so who knows what will happen. But I have put aside my personal feelings and I am praying that he gets this job and does move here so it will benefit my kids.
Getting ready to go to church. Then we're coming home and getting back in pj's and having a pj day. It's rainy here and I need to do laundry. We'll play and just be.
