Hi Rachel, That is so great that you are in graduate school. What are you going for? I know how hard it is to concentrate on things so I am sure writing your paper must be agonizing.
You mentioned your H called you but you didn't finish the sentence. You said H called you to say...but you didn't say what. What kind of message did he leave? If he is still calling you that means he has not detached himself from you. My fingers are crossed that you will spend the weekend together.
As for me, I don't want to get my hopes up to high because I still don't trust my H with my feelings. He sent me flowers from work for our anniversary yesterday. Came home with a beautiful card telling me he will never take me or our marriage for granted again and for the first time with some meaning behind it told me he loved me. He took my son and I out to dinner and after we put my son to bed we talked a bit. He said he dosen't want to be without us and he knows now that it is because he loves me. That what he did all those years on the road was pretending not to be married because he didn't know if he wanted to be and now he knows for sure it's what he wants. I said to him I don't want pretending. If it's true and he's ready to commit himself again here is your wedding ring and that he should only put it on if he is absolutely sure, and he did. Of course I felt ecstatic at the moment but it's going to take a lot of time for me to be able to trust him again and he knows that. I told him I wish I didn't know about the A's and he said it will take time but I will get past the pain and he'll make sure of it. So, we'll see how it goes. I'm still nervous that the "alien" will pop out again but I have to be strong and walk away if and when it does.
Rachel, I so hope that everything will be good for you. Please keep writing to me as I will be here for you. You have been a wonderful support to me and I'm sure my "bad" days are far from being gone yet. Let me know what happens with H when you speak to him and get that paper done...Nikki
