She's ready to move on

[Michael Mc C]

So this week has gone relatively well I think. I have caught myself becoming optimistic about W's latest behavior. While I believe things are going smoother between us I don't want to get pulled back in or to start feeling like we're slowly patching things.

She was at school Friday morning when I felt this the last time. She called to tell me she was on her way home about an hour earlier than expected. I wasn't 'prepared' to see her at that time (sometimes need some breathing room to keep my head straight) so I ran out to the store for a bit. I came home with an upbeat, somewhat aloof attitude and things went great for the remainder of the day.

BIL and his GF came up Friday night and we ended up having 5 other friends show up as well (all women). A few things were noticed by GF and others, as well as myself. Small things of course but worth mentioning.

- BIL brought up creatine for me since I've begun lifting weights. He handed this to W and W gave it to me saying "Here you go love."

- W was showing a video to BIL and GF on my laptop and asked me "Can you see all right dear?"

- W and I were discussing plans for the weekend and she said "So what are we going to do about <whatever> papa bear?" This is something she started calling me about 3 years ago and, of course, stopped calling me sometime around 'the bomb'. She called me this once in Nov after OM first disappeared.

- W gave me a kiss good night (she had to work in the morning and went to bed before we wrapped up the evening festivities)

So... all 'nice' things but nothing indicating a change of heart. More likely a softening of her heart.

BIL's GF and I were talking about this and she said that these are all great signs and that she was very happy for us. I told her that it feels good but I still remember the conversation from the previous weekend. I told her that if I went in and asked W what she was feeling about "D", I knew she would say that it was still necessary. Of course I've learned NOT to ask such things.

I need to continue my GAL efforts and probably need to expand them as well. The gym, so far, is the only consistent activity I have outside of the home so I need to find something more. Not to avoid her but because I find myself sitting here at times wondering what I can do to keep myself busy.