Ok, here is a little thing you reminded me of. My H moved out on Nov 17-19. On Nov 21st it was my nameday (we celebrate namedays big time here in Greece). You can imagine in what state I was in. Late in the afternoon I get a phonecall from him to wish me well etc. etc. I was driving, I think that the last thing he heard from me was "I wish you were dead, I wish I had never met you, how dare you call me to wish me well...". I had not started DBng yet, 4 weeks later I was a completely different person...
Later that evening I was talking to my brother. He told me "no matter what he did it was a lose-lose situation for him". And he was right. Birthdays, anniversaries, etc. etc ( I have a good one about this also, 9 Dec was our 7 years anniversary) are awkward. It's good to have your family and friends around you, they (our Hs) shouldn't have the power to ruin these days for us.
I don't know if I can be encouraging. I know how you feel. I am questioning myself a lot through this process. I think that's natural. I've decided I will try to get myself together, start feeling good, looking good again, detach my happiness from him, keep the door open as long as I feel like it, but if I get to a point I really do not want to wait any longer I'll just file for D. But the important thing is the verb "want", it is not "can't" or "stand" or "not able to wait" etc. etc. For now I want to wait.
So if you are feeling low at the moment, do not beat yourself on the head (I am creating new english language here guys!!). Just ask youself if you want to wait for him a bit longer, not if you can wait for him, because you can. What do you want to do? (It's a decision I make every day!!!).
Take care, once we got so low, there is no other way but up! You know that, right?
