Sunday morning here, my kids still with their dad. It does feel good to get a break every other weekend.
He went to a kids party yesterday where he met with all my friends including my best friend who is really mad at him.They talked but nothing about us. I had several friends calling afterwards telling he looked like sh..t (!!). One of them even said "I can tell he is coming back and a lot sooner that you think" but the sad thing is that she is one of my friends whose gut feelings I do not trust (I have a very strong intuition and I rate other's too, weird?)
When he picked up the kids earlier yesterday, he looked as if he was still sleeping. I offered a coffee and he gladly accepted. He asked if I had gone to the party and mentioned he has been feeling very tired lately. Friendy talk, nothing much, nothing important. I guess the fact that he was willing and feels comfortable enough to stay for a coffee is important. But I am getting bored with these friendly interactions. Interesting thing I have't mentioned : we never have psycical contact of any kind. Not a hello hug, not a kiss on the chick, nothing.
I get this feeling that once he noticed I changed he put me on a watch programm. He is checking and checking if I will have any ups/down with him. It's like if he wants to make sure we stabilised on this level of communication and he can trust me. But I really want to get on the next level with him. This party on Sat was a good chance for us to actually meet after a long time with no kids present, have a drink etc etc. And it would have been much easier for both of us beacuse it wasn't initiated by us. And he missed the chance. Ok, I know he is tired but It really gets me angry when I am thinking that I would have dragged myself to this party even if I hadn't slept for a week if I were him. But then again, we are different.
I wish I could do something to get things going a little bit faster...
I need to get my frustrations out about something else too. I 've been really mad at his sister. I've known her all these years and I have been supporting her the best way I could about different issues: her marriage (she had an affair her H found out/with his best friend!!), with her moms death, babysitting for her kids, talking to her on the phone when anything would come up in her life, with her dad's operations etc. etc. I have really invested in her and I thought we were friends. And guess what, ever since we seperated the first time even, she has never called me to ask how am I doing. Not even about the kids. I am really mad at her. It's scary how some people are so selfcentered they don't give a damn about others. WHEN we get back with my H, she will find out that relationships of all kinds need effort. Because I really feel she blew it with me.
Kalni
PS. H just called. Taking the kids to another party. Said he is feeling really tired, didn't sleep well last night. Well, I slept great...
