She's gone...I'm devastated, but hopeful

[LoginName]

Hey Minkerman,
Reading through your sitch and posts and I'm going to break in here, before reading everything - hope it doesn't bite me later.

This sounds positive. You are right to give her space. Our sitches are the same in that my W and I married very young. My W needed almost a year of living alone before she wanted me back in her life. Some take longer (sorry to say).

It's so hard and seemingly so wrong to detach, but so important too. Detach. GAL. You need it. You were young when you married too. Give yourself permission to live and enjoy. Remember your vows, but enjoy.

I had an A too. Unlike you, I'm willing to talk about the why's and wherefors. My W says she doesn't want to hear it, that it doesn't matter. I don't know if later she'll feel the same or not. One of my ugly secrets is that I had the affair for very selfish reasons. I was bored at work and ignored by my W at home. Here was someone whe paid attention to me, made me feel that there was still fun and excitement in the world. It seems so childish to me, I'm embarrassed (especially here on the DB boards), but I'll share my story with you if it will help you with your feelings and thoughts.

In other words, the part that jumps out at me is that your wife wants you to open up about your A and you haven't. I think she deserves to know, even it it's terrible, even if it makes you look like a juvinle ass.

However, I don't think this is the crucial peice of your sitch, just an important one.

I think the important piece is that she needs space to find herself, feel good on her own (like my wife did). Has she had a job for a while? Anything that gives her self confidence and positive reinforcment is good. It may not lead to her wanting you as a H, but it's the best shot you've got, and if she does want you back, it'll be stonger, better, healthier than ever.

You're doing the right things: detach, GAL, give her space. Let her know you are there and ready to open up to her (are you?) then back way off.

It's late, so I'll try to read the rest of the posts here later. Good luck MM and thanks for posting on my thread.