Peicing hurts like hell and is harder than...

[LoginName]

Hi Deauxlie,
You ask if I love her. Sometimes I wonder what that means. But yes, I do. D@mn it.

I forgive her, if I have the right to do that. It surprised me this morning waking from a dream and feeling that anger over what she did. I thought I had forgiven her. I know she fears that I haven't, won't, can can't and that I'll hold it over her head for years. My anger is shallow. My love is deep.

Tonight she called, basically because she was bored. After the call, I was angry and resentful because I felt that I had not "entertained" her enough, that it was my 'duty' to please her and that if I failed, she would think about those phone calls to the OM and how great those made her feel (how can I compete with that?). But, I called her back, and I told her how I felt and what I thought she was thinking, kind of taking your advice. I felt better after calling her. Maybe talking will work, although I am still reserved and, truthfully, withholding some trust.

I look forward to reading your post. It's good to know I'm not the only one with these feelings. Thanks for posting.