I'm really sorry you're going through this and I know the pain you're experiencing. You're doing the right thing by venting here instead of calling H. He's an alien right now and won't hear/understand what you're saying.
Take a deep breath, put him out of your mind, and take care of yourself. Read the advice on these boards - it will help you sort out what you're feeling.
Get ready because you're going to need a lot of patience and understanding if you want to get through this.
