On Wed I tried (again) to find a Retrouaville w/e near me. After three phone calls and a couple of messages, a lady from Sydney rang me back to say they don't do them in my state any more and that the next one in Sydney would be in August (!). Bugger...I had high hopes for one in this state. If it was just the one w/e I'd still be in, but the followup sessions would make it just about impossible, plus waiting till August!! Sheesh....
I didn't get to see my C this week. She has been sick so I will be three weeks worth of me doing things ar5e-about for her to sift through and scold me about next week *cringe*.
Tell me guys on here....my h seems to be very hurt that I "gave in to him" and "used him for s*x" on Tuesday. How do I deal with this ie validate? It feels like alien spew to me but dismissing it and discounting it makes him feel worse.
I just read your sitch today, and what stood out was that you said that the OW was away for a while which is why H couldn't break things off right? Am I right in assuming that she was away when you and H ML?
If so, then it looks like he used you for closeness and sex as well.
From where I sit, he has no right to call you out on using him for sex. He did the same thing.
Call him on it and see what happens.
And you know what? There is also nothing wrong if you did use him. He's your husband- if you want sex that's where you should go. My H didn't get a clue until I started having sex with him and then leaving his house and not spending the night. He'd invite me over, I'd go eat dinner (his money) watch a movie, have sex, then thank him and leave. I'd be strong until I drove the car around the corner then I'd pull over and bawl my eyes out. He never saw that though. He saw the detached person. I also turned him down a lot too. I took control- that's what you have to see. Don't look at it as using him for sex. Look at it as you controling when, where, how and how often you have sex with him. Tell him no if you want- ask him for sex if you want....
it's your choice- but he used you as well to fill the void with OW gone.
When life gives you lemons, trade them for limes and break out the tequila!!-- Soxfan2007
7/1/05 Bomb 7/20/05 H moves out 2.5 years of Rollercoaster 10/30/07 H moves back home
Hmm....I like your thinkin' sox!! I keep telling him that I won't have ML with him until he breaks it off with her but dammit now that we ML on tuesday (after a drought for me since mid October) I'm ahem....wanting more (and he knows it!). Maybe when he has d6 tomorrow night I'll rock up to his place and say I changed my mind...I'm horny - let's go. As far as the g/f being away, I think she only went away earlier this week.
I feel like texting him now and say "You know what? U can feel hurt that I used you for sex if you want. But I wanted you, I wanted sex, you are my husband, isn't that who I should go to for sex? Methinks I have a right to have sex with my own husband and I shouldn't feel guilty about it. If you won't consider breaking up with E in order to concentrate on us, I will be seeking my satisfaction with my husband (using protection) but will be holding my heart back from you until we can both decide we want to work on the marriage"
Too brash?
He told me he hasn't seen her much over the last three weeks and (I think) he said he hasn't had sex with her for three and a half weeks because he's been missing me.
No, it just sounds like you telling him what Soxfan suggested showing him. If that's how you feel, you can act that way and you don't need to tell him anything. He'll figure it out.
But is that what you want? If sex is a way to connect with him, wouldn't you rather make the connection than just satisfy your desire? If it's not bringing the two of you closer together emotionally, eventually you're not going to want sex with him at all, unless you believe in "friends with benefits."
Did the lady from Sidney say anything about when/whether Retrovaille might return to your state? Is there any chance that the follow up sessions, at least, could be there if you went in August?
I hope your weekend is going well otherwise.
Thanks,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
Well...Sat morning he rang to let me know that he talked with his g/f and they agreed they were taking things too quickly and they were going to back off for a while. I expressed disappointment that it wasn't a complete breakup and he responded by saying "baby steps, LT". I guess it's something, but I did make sure he understood that that wasn't enough for me to resume being intimate with him again.
He was then hurt that I wouldn't invite him and d6 to come along to a party in the afternoon. I tried saying that I get 24 hours off per fortnight when I don't have to worry about d because she is with him and that I wanted the time alone to spend with my friends. He felt that we should be spending family time together. Due to another couple of things happening, me trying to make things better, just made things worse and now he's p!ssed with me again cos during a phone call last night a guy who doesn't know the full situation (he thought we were truly broken up) yelled to to tell 'my ex to get off the phone!'. My h wanted me to tell him to f off and mind his own business. I didn't tell him that but I did explain to him that we were trying to work things out and the guy apologised. Man...why can't I shut up...why can't I just be satisfied with my own thoughts and opinions and trust my own judgement. Why do I feel the need to talk to friends about it to hear different opinions? I think I have talked to too many ppl and my h will have a hard row to hoe (to quote SallyM) to have my friends accept him with open arms.
Joe, Retrouaville is unlikely to come back to this state, they don't have enough people to run the weekends.
I want to make a 'friends' connection with him first and see if we can have fun together (non-sexually). I feel constantly on alert at the moment that he's going to try it on so I can't relax with him. I feel that wheneverI bring up a topic of conversation I get the impression he is not interested in chatting. He says it's because he's nervous. Fair enough, but can't he start conversations of his own? Talk about work, or his training or d6? I feel like I'm carrying the rest of the relationship and he is carrying the sex part. I don't want that dynamic to return - I feel ripped off.
