Sleeping Dogs

[Grace_O]

Accounting, math, english. Nothing too exciting, but it can't hurt and might help. My credits that I tried to transfer are apparently too old. Who knew there was an expiration date for those of us not degreed. Wierd. I'd like to take a creative writing class and may look for one through other modes. I considered sculpting, but until I actually have a "real" job that seems a little frivolous.

I like the Italian idea (I see a trip on the horizon). You crack me up with abnormal psych. I think I'd be thinking everything was wrong with me. Whatever you do have fun with it.

[Tipper]

Grace O,
Hey there!
I just read the top of this thread and you said you really don't know where your H is in all of this. I was just curious if he has shown major signs of replay at all. It almost sounds to me like he is still in the denial stage.
I am not saying this to scare you or to make you think that this is just the beginning of his MLC, as I don't know too much about your situation.
I can recall my H telling me once in 2005, and once again in 2006 that he really wasn't sure if we should be together, and that he was thinking we should seperate, and that he was thinking of moving out. But after each of those conversations we had, the next day he would act like nothing happened and we would go on with life. My H continued to drink heavier and get very depressed and verbally abusive to me during those years before the actual real bomb/moving out. Once my H moved out he hit EXTREME REPLAY-no one could miss it, it was so obvious that that was the stage he was in.
I guess my point in all of this is to try and help you see that maybe your H is still at the beginning stages of MLC, because if and when they are in replay: it is usually so very obvious.
I am not trying to scare you, I am only trying to prepare you for what may come - if you have not seen it (replay) allready.
I will apologize ahead of time if I am way off base here, as I don't know your sitch to well.
Oh, and good for you taking classes, just remember that THE ONE THING that no one can ever take away from us is the knowledge you attain from learning!
TIPPER

[Grace_O]

No apologies necessary. Yes, he's shown the replay signs. I just don't pay alot of attention to timelines. At first I almost went nuts trying to figure out "where he was". Now, well at the moment he's in the diningroom. It is what it is. If I seem nonchalant, I'm really not. I've found that all that works for me is to take it moment by moment, play by play. When a new hand is dealt I'll play it. Until then I've got weights to lift, and muscles to stretch, work to do and a life to live.

Thanks for the insight Tipper. You're right about no one taking away what we learn. I hope your evening is gong well.

[tmi]

Or maybe I should ask you here how you're doing, so you can feel free to talk as much as you like.

[enlightenbylife]

Hi Grace

How are you? You seem so at ease with your situation.

Do you have times, because your H is still at home, that you feel like you want to know what to do next?

I know I do and this is when I get really down.

Do you have seperate bedrooms? We do and my H uses his as his santuary. I Hate IT!!!!!!

Wow that's great that you are taking classes. I applaud you because I don't have the concentration right now.

I'm just starting to get to the point that I can read a little. I used to love to read to relax.

I have inquired about pole dancing classes belly dancing and a book club. Don't know if I will join but no harm in checkin things out

Have a great night Grace

E

[Grace_O]

Ingrid,

Thanks for checking on me. Things are pretty much the same for me which is why I don't post too much on my own thread. Smooches for asking.

ebl,

It's not so much that I'm at ease with my sitch, I'm just trying to be patient and work one myself. There's plenty for me to do there. My H and I still share the same bed (no contact though) and I honestly don't know if that makes it easier or harder. I just try to play the hand I'm dealt.

I have lots of days when I don't know what to do/expect next. What I've worked at learning/doing is to handle what is on my plate so to speak. If he hasn't "put it out there", I don't assume. I don't assume what he's doing, who he's with anything. Ok, mostly I don think about it. When I do I get out my trusty rubber band and snap away. I also use physical activites and meditation to help me get out of my funks.

I understand completely about taking classes. It's been a year and I'm able to concentrate enough to do that. In fact in the convo H and I had re: his moving out plans, he mentioned my going back to school and I said that the reason I hadn't taken classes before was that I wasn't in a place mentally to do that.

Pole dancing is a great workout (depending on the teacher I'm sure). The site I used to find classes has been temporarily discontinued (exceeded bandwidth). I'll keep my eyes peeled for it coimg back up and post it. Belly dancing is great too. You think like I do I see. If you can't find any classes locally try the "Godess Workout" on dvd. I also check things out at the library.

Keep in mind that my H dropped the bomb a year ago, so I may just be further along. It takes time. It sucks, but there's nothing we can do to hurry it up. Our D's (12 & 15) are IMO what keeps him home. I try to look at this as he's just here helping me to raise them. Also b/c of my personal thoughts about when and if (if there is a D) I'll date. Having come to a conclusion there really helps me.

Alot of prattle. I hope some of it made sense.

[missmyfriend]

You are phenomenal Grace! Prayers coming your way!

[Grace_O]

(((((mmf)))))

Thank you. It's people like you that keep me going. I don't post to everyone enough, but you really inspire me.

[missmyfriend]

This is not false humility but I feel like I am so lacking in many areas especially with how I treated my W through our marriage. I did not physically abuse her but I could have made her feel safe. She was very much loved but I let things bother me too much and she did not have to hear me distressed or angry.

She used to know me as someone who was slow to anger. I don't know what happened. I guess I was always fearful of letting her and our family down. My father failed at being a good husband and father so I was especially hard on myself.

Grace, I pray I will have another chance to treat my W with the love and respect she deserves.

And thank you for being my friend.

[Grace_O]

I too pray for the chance to treat my H the way I should have. In my case I let my own fear (b/c of his anger and inability to talk to me) take over when I should have been proactive about dealing with what was in front of me.

I grew up without ever knowing my father, so I had a fear of my kids not having theirs. Not helpful.

Thanks right back to you for being my friend and such an awesome deep thinker. You make me look at things in such a different way. I am so grateful for the chance to learn so much here. Too bad it's under the circumstances, but as another friend of mine says, "everything is as it should be, you have to have faith."