Oh the frustation of a WAS not making progress in counseling. My H has been going for over 6 months with not much of a difference. H must have finally realized that or someone told him as he went to see someone else this week. Hopefully your W will realize she needs more or different help than she is getting. Is she still on meds and are they helping any?
I agree that the EAs have a lot to do w/ positive attention. I admit I wasn't giving any to my H because I wasn't getting any either. I'm sure when H had two women more than 10 years younger show him some it made them seem attractive. I know they are both kind of homely so I don't think the attraction w/ an EA has to do w/ looks.
We didn't do anything as a couple either after our first D was born. Imagine devoting 15 years to being a mom like you thought your H wanted you to and boom her goes the bomb. I know you and your W are spending a lot of time together w/ D. Maybe you should try a little alone time.
Oh the frustation of a WAS not making progress in counseling. My H has been going for over 6 months with not much of a difference. H must have finally realized that or someone told him as he went to see someone else this week. Hopefully your W will realize she needs more or different help than she is getting. Is she still on meds and are they helping any?
She has been on Welbutrin for the last four months - She says it takes the 'edge off' the depression and helps a little with her anxiety, but it really hasn't pulled her out of the fog. I'm not sure if she needs a higher dose (she's already on a pretty hefty dose already), or if she needs a different medication. I'm still curious if she really had a panic attack the other day at work, or if she just had an argument with OM and had to bail out of the office. If she really had a panic attack, that's the first time she's had one in a while.
Originally Posted By: lizzy
I agree that the EAs have a lot to do w/ positive attention. I admit I wasn't giving any to my H because I wasn't getting any either. I'm sure when H had two women more than 10 years younger show him some it made them seem attractive. I know they are both kind of homely so I don't think the attraction w/ an EA has to do w/ looks.
Just like my W, your H's self esteem is low - Why would they get involved with someone who is positive, exciting and attractive? Who else other than their spouse, or some loser, would put up with their BS day in, day out? My W's OM picks up other girls and has relationships, but they're all losers too (from what I hear anyway). Your H probably knows that his EA's are not going to find someone else quickly, so it's not like he really has to 'try'. They probably feel as bad about themselves as he does I think my W is unusual, as she actually has a really negative EA - Not that I'm saying an EA is good, but you'd think that unless the overall feeling was positive, they'd give up on it.
Originally Posted By: lizzy
We didn't do anything as a couple either after our first D was born. Imagine devoting 15 years to being a mom like you thought your H wanted you to and boom her goes the bomb. I know you and your W are spending a lot of time together w/ D. Maybe you should try a little alone time.
I'm thinking of taking W out somewhere nice for dinner for her birthday (about four weeks away). Maybe I'll have the ILs take D overnight or something. We won't be living together then, but I think it'd be nice for her to actually be a little spoiled for once. Every time she goes somewhere with OM, she has to pay
Need to figure out what to get her for her birthday too... Hmm.
Today was pretty sucky - I got up early with D and let W sleep in. We sort of switch out Sat/Sun right now, so one of us can get to sleep in, so today was her day. I got D ready for the day after W woke up, but I had to go out and get some things done for the new house - When I got back W wasn't even showered or dressed, so I watched D while she did all of that stuff.
W was really cranky all day - Didn't hardly talk to me over lunch, although she cooked me lunch then made me desert later in the afternoon... We spent the afternoon at home while D took a nap, but W was in her own little world - I just left her to it. After D woke up we went to Wal-mart. Now, it's a 20min drive, so I was pretty surprised that when we got there she was all "I thought you were going to the other one - The one with the groceries". I didn't say much other than "We can pick the other stuff up afterwards", but I was pretty annoyed. I didn't let on to W that I was pissed, but I felt better once we started to get things together. We ended up going out to dinner together tonight with D, which was fun - W really brightened up and talked to me a lot more. She wasn't her usual self, but at least she didn't sit silent all night. I cajoled her into getting desert, but I didn't get to each much since W ate it all
On the way home we were having a good conversation about all sorts of things - I brought up movies or something and she said "OM just sits in his room all day and watches movies. That is, when he's not out doing stuff with his f**k buddies". I just mentioned something about how there were so many movies on the go right now and they roll out of the cinema so quickly. When we got home she shut her laptop and we watched a DVD with D before bed. W went up to bed around 9:20, which is REALLY early for her - Usually she's a night owl. She just seemed so distracted and preoccupied today - I don't think I did anything to bring those feelings on, since everything has been pretty good with us recently.
On a different note, one of my friends told me about a dating site he uses - I ended up having a poke around there this morning. Not really sure how I feel about it. I certainly don't want to get into an R, or heaven forbid find a f**k buddy, but maybe it would be fun - Might be an ego boost to; or maybe it'll just kill my PMA if no one is interested in me I've been thinking that maybe I need to find more friends and start going out more, so maybe I can just find some people on that level, rather than dealing with all the other crap. Not sure.
OM just sits in his room all day and watches movies. That is, when he's not out doing stuff with his f**k buddies".
I just don't get this Brit. I mean it's one thing for her share stuff with you about OM, but it's another thing when she's actually insulting him to you. Does she consider him her 'boyfriend'?
Quote:
I've been thinking that maybe I need to find more friends and start going out more, so maybe I can just find some people on that level, rather than dealing with all the other crap. Not sure.
I think starting with friends is a good thing rather than going straight for dating. Go out with some friends for a few drinks and just flirt...see how you feel. I've just realized that I can flirt again! I'm truly not interested in dating and won't be until at least a D is final...but it is fun to flirt! But then again, saying I have a newborn and a 3 year old would have them running for the hills! LOL.
Sorry today was sucky for you. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
I just don't get this Brit. I mean it's one thing for her share stuff with you about OM, but it's another thing when she's actually insulting him to you. Does she consider him her 'boyfriend'?
I have no idea what she considers him - She always says she's just a friend to me. I really don't think she has a clue what their relationship is at all. 90% of what she tells me about him is insulting or derogatory... Maybe that is all for my benefit. No idea.
Originally Posted By: JennyF
I think starting with friends is a good thing rather than going straight for dating. Go out with some friends for a few drinks and just flirt...see how you feel. I've just realized that I can flirt again! I'm truly not interested in dating and won't be until at least a D is final...but it is fun to flirt!
I agree - Like I said, I'm certainly not going to be an idiot an jump into something stupid. I just need to find some new faces to spend time with and maybe start doing some different things with my spare time. It's kind of liberating to know I'll have my own place in a week, so I think I'm sort of gearing up for that.
At the rate we're going, if I'm going to wait until the D is final to date, I'll probably be dead first.
Originally Posted By: JennyF
But then again, saying I have a newborn and a 3 year old would have them running for the hills! LOL.
Some guys might like the 'ready made family' thing
I understand your curiousity about the dating site. I have thought about looking into them in case it comes to that. At least you have your youth going for you and you aren't a 41 year old mother of two. I have thought that I need to start going out for a drink here or there now and then. But all my friends are "happily" married w/ kids. I guess I need to broaden that horizon too.
Thought I'd stop by for a quick visit . . . When I checked out a dating site (just curiosity about who's looking. .) I became more determined to make my M work. My H is a catch in my eyes and no one out there had even a teeny bit of appeal for me. But I live in a rural area so the odds are smaller and I never liked dating anyway. Finding more friends to hang out and do things with is a good goal for any of us. Social connections are really critical to happiness. The well-adjusted, healthy ones I mean!
me: 47 H: 48 he has 2 grown sons M 1995(my 1st, his 3rd) hit iceberg 6/07 S 9/26/07 before now
Thought I'd stop by for a quick visit . . . When I checked out a dating site (just curiosity about who's looking. .) I became more determined to make my M work. My H is a catch in my eyes and no one out there had even a teeny bit of appeal for me.
I started with that mentality yesterday morning, but as W wore on me more and more throughout the day, I started to get more curious. Ironically, the more time I spend with my W at the moment, the less 'appealing' she is to me - I think the whole OM thing is starting to get a little ridiculous to me. Not sure if this makes sense or not - I still love my W very much, but i'm really starting to lose my respect for her. She's compromising her values and everything that made her special to make this idiot like her.
Originally Posted By: seekpeaceofmind
But I live in a rural area so the odds are smaller and I never liked dating anyway. Finding more friends to hang out and do things with is a good goal for any of us. Social connections are really critical to happiness. The well-adjusted, healthy ones I mean!
Right now I'm more inclined to find myself some friends to hang out with and go places - I obviously have some already, but none of them really 'energize' me. I think some new faces will help do that.
I think my W is unusual, as she actually has a really negative EA - Not that I'm saying an EA is good, but you'd think that unless the overall feeling was positive, they'd give up on it.