I guess the reason I am feeling so angry right now is because I HAD moved on. He was mean, cold and hateful. I didn't want any part of it. The D was supposed to be final on Nov. 14th and I had moved on, trying to find happiness without him. I had let go. Then he called me. He was sorry, he wanted to work things out, he said he couldn't believe the things he had said and done. Then I felt like I had to put my "new" life on hold to see what would happen with us. I was going out a lot and flirting a lot...just things I don't feel like I should be doing if I have a H at home that I am working things out with. He was sure. Now he isn't sure. I feel like I am going through the initial separation all over again.
Hmmm..the things that I have changed since he moved here. I guess I am doing more waiting for him to call me, probably not going out as much, just doing more thinking about the R in general. I keep saying I need to detach, it is just so hard with him here.
When he was visiting he would call me, seem happy to see me. We ML several times. There was no awkwardness. We felt comfortable around each other and it seemed like he knew what he wanted. Now he says if we ML that it will give me false hope. Then why was it ok a couple of weeks ago?
I know he has the stress here with him now and I don't want to add to that. He says he definitely wants to be friends right now. What frustrates me about that is that he put so much time into "friendship" with OW (spent probably 8 hours a day on the phone and sent about 50 texts a day!)....but he can't even call me? He never put that much effort into our relationship, it was always me. He says he just doesn't know what to say if he calls. I know that I am whining, but I just need to vent a little. I just haven't felt this down about everything in a while. I don't know if I will ever be able to let OW go. How do you get over a betrayal like that.
You're right Michelle, no more R talk. ..Kind of makes me feel like a doormat though. Like he can do what he wants and I will still be here...just doesn't feel right.
