NikB #24

[NikB]

Hey everyone,

Long post warning... just had to share that I had an AWESOME night last night!! First couple hours were good "GAL" things... and then after that, AMAZINGLY good sitch-related things too.

I am sooo afraid to get my hopes up again. Staying detached - but for the first time in a long time my anxiety that another bomb is right around the corner is much much less. It's based on things over the last couple of weeks, not just last night, but last night definitely helped. As a little backstory I don't remember if I've mentioned here but since the EAs are very clearly over and have been for a couple of months, and H has been coming back 'towards' me, we've ML a few times (only if he initiates it). Well I dunno if "ML" is the word exactly but had s*x anyway.. He hasn't verbally recommitted but his actions seem clearly that he is, or is at least trying again.

So here's what happened..

I had some tentative plans for a couple different meetups, but opted not to go. One of them was the dance thing that Mr. Creepy said I better "get my butt to" and I just didn't want to deal with him. Both meetups were also fairly far away and it was really rainy out so I didn't want to drive around much.

Decided to go to the movies by myself instead, but I got there and it was PACKED, nearly every movie was sold out til late. OK.. no go... but I really didn't want to just sit at home (and H was being kinda weird on the phone - hadn't seen him yet, but didn't think we'd be doing anything). So, on the way home I stopped at one of "our" fave pizza places. I felt funny about it but then thought what the heck. That was packed too but I finally found a seat at the bar (this is a very "bar and grill" type pizza place).

I ate my salad and pretended to be fascinated by the basketball game... eventually chatted a bit w/the guys next to me. It was kind of awkward as everyone at the bar was "regulars" and although I AM, usually it's in a booth with H. Guy right next to me said he couldn't believe he hadn't seen me before when I told him I'm there a lot. Nice compliment the way he said it.

I feel a little bad for him cause he's gonna get crap from the staff for at least a week. In the back (but you could totally hear them) they kept asking amongst themselves "Oh is that his other daughter we've never met?" (he looked around 60 or older). When he bought me a drink they were like "Atta boy!!" Not in a creepy way.. he wasn't "hitting on" me or anything.. it was all in good fun but still, I know he'll be getting teased for awhile!

Got home and H was here with a friend looking at the race car. I was settling in for the night and then out of nowhere, it turned out to be a roller-coaster-y but GREAT night with H. First friend left and H invited me to go along to meet another friend of his for drinks, then said maybe we could go out dancing afterwards. DANCING?!? I did a double take. Used to go all the time but we haven't done that in ages and I've been dying to go so that was nice. (yeah I can go w/the meetup groups and I do, but it's always kinda awkward because it's kind of "assumed" that you'll dance w/anyone that's there in the group since you're "with" them even though you may have just met the people).

Rollercoaster down: place the friend was having drinks at was closed but he and his 3 (female) friends were in the parking lot so we ended up talking to them for awhile. Small 180.. we were all out in the rain and cold, normally I'd have stayed in the truck (probably irritated they were talking for so long). As for the friend - don't like him much. He has a girlfriend but basically considers anyone "single" who is out somewhere without their spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend (including himself). Ick. H has no idea I dislike the guy - I'd rather be cordial so at least I am invited most of the time when they go out.

So, somehow they got on the topic of cheating and they were totally joking about it, making light of it, "it's not cheating as long as you take your ring off" kinda comments. H wasn't contributing to the conversation but he was laughing and it pissed me off. I whispered to H "I can't listen to this," went and sat in the truck and tried to get my blood pressure down, considered calling a cab to take me home!

180 time... pulled out my best "DBing" I could and realized that what I was doing was NOT attractive, nevermind the conflict avoider in me at its worst. So, I slapped a smile on my face and cheerfully walked back over to them. What I said probably wasn't the best but I felt like I had to say SOMETHING so... in a calm and almost "joking but I mean it" tone I said: "So you guys done talkin' about how fantastic it is to cheat on people? Cause it SUCKS being cheated on."

Couldn't see H's reaction (he was facing the guy friend and I was talking mostly to the girls since they started the whole thing). The guy friend didn't show much reaction, but the three girls' jaws dropped and they started backpedaling. "No no that's not what we were saying!" and then they started laying into the guy for cheating on his GF. hahaha loved it. (oh and yes, it IS ironic that here the guy's GF is at home waiting for him while he's late picking her up because he is out drinking with 3 women.. who are laying into him about cheating on her!! whatever...)

We got onto other subjects and all was cool there.. but, I figured I'd blown my chance on the dancing thing (ASSumed that H was mad about the way I handled it, even though I didn't see/hear his reaction at all). I still felt good about what I said though - felt I handled it 1. differently and 2. in a way that didn't "avoid" it but didn't blow it out of proportion.

Rollercoaster up... surprisingly enough - H and I still went to the club! He was being really weird at first and I kept thinking the whole thing was a huge mistake. Then all of a sudden it was like a switch flipped, H put his arm around me and then grabbed me by the hand and said "Let's dance!!" We danced pretty 'normal' for a few songs and he apparently was having fun because he started gettin' very..errr.. up close and personal Could um definitely tell that he was havin' fun. He was even kissing me hard right there on the dance floor.. totally out of character for him.

He kept trying to get us leave (obvious reasons) and I was kinda doing the "hard to get" thing, "making" him dance with me more before he got what he wanted. Fun fun! We left around 1:30 and I flirted all the way home.

We got home and - bam, rollercoaster down. Switch flipped the minute we got outta the car. H was acting weird and distant, asked me to heat up some leftovers for him, which I did. We went from "hot and heavy" to sitting on the couch watching TV and eating leftovers and I was just thinking "what the heck???"

I was kind of at a loss, but it felt like he was switching from WAS to "normal" H to WAS within a matter of minutes the entire night! (Normal's not really the word I'm looking for as I don't think WAS is "abnormal" but I can't think of the word I want).

Anyway, I wasn't letting it bother me for the most part, but was trying to kinda figure out what to do with it... it felt like an opportunity. I tried to think like a guy and thought, well, this could be a great "reason" to add to the list for a guy convincing himself he should leave - "She was teasing me all night then we get home and it's our normal rut!" (not that I was the one who stopped the "fun" but still).

So, decided to give something a try. I grabbed his feet and put them in my lap and gave him a foot massage... then made it more of a 'sensual' type massage. Rollercoaster back up.. he was lovin' it. Before I got TOO far I excused myself to go "to the bathroom" and put on some new lingerie that he hasn't seen yet. Little 180 on that, too - it's an animal print type thing w/black lace trim - NOT my normal style at all.

Rollercoaster down.. I come back out a few minutes later and H was asleep on the couch!! WTF. (too relaxing massage apparently??) Anyway I was really overthinking things but I was torn between whether I would look like "take charge kinda woman" vs. "desparate and throwing myself at him" if I continued to "pursue" him. Literally stood there thinking about it for about 10 minutes while he slept.

So.. 180 again as I haven't been initiating ANYTHING this whole time. Rollercoaster up (and finally to stay for awhile!). I woke him up with a very "take charge woman" kinda kiss. He was totally surprised, then looked at what I was wearing and said "Wow I haven't seen THAT before!" Another 180 - normally I'd start talking about when I got it, where, blah blah blah. I didn't say a word, just grinned and pretty much attacked him.

Don't want to get ALL X rated so I'll stop there but OMG WOW!! Has to have been one of our better nights together EVER.

I was prepared for him to really pull away today but so far he hasn't... yay! I was wearing my same 'outfit' this morning when we got up and he kept looking at me and telling me how much he likes my "tiger suit." (It is FAR from a "suit" but still, thought that was very cute and funny).

So... what can I say?? WOW barely covers it.

Now gotta shake that "what's he gonna do now to distance himself" feeling. I have that dinner party tonight so will be out and GALing, hopefully that will help keep the "pullback" from being too extreme (for either of us). Just gotta make sure to enjoy it but keep those expectations low...

But man... what a good night.