Well, I went over there today. I did bring up the R. I told him that I just didn't even know how to act around him. He told me that he didn't know what he wanted. He said when it came down to it he just didn't have the balls to go through with the divorce. He said a part of him was hoping that I would get to the point where I would just do it. Then he said he didn't want to be "divorced". He also said that when it didn't go through that day (something wrong with paperwork), that he took it as a sign that maybe he should wait.
I asked him then why did he tell me he wanted to work things out at Thanksgiving. He said that part of him does, but he just doesn't think he is ready for it emotionally. Says that he can't be what I need him to be right now.
My B'day is next week and he did say that he wanted to take me out. So I guess we'll see how that goes. I don't feel any better after the talk, actually I feel worse.
I am beginning to wonder if I even want to work it out. I am just so tired of the drama, I am so tired of the eggshells, I am so tired of feeling like I am competing with OW. I have noticed I was in a better mood when I had accepted it and moved on. Now I am back to crying a lot. I hate feeling like this. A part of me just wants to tell him that I am done. A part of me wants to cut all ties and just move on. Maybe I am just weak, but I can't take much more of this.
