I've been posting over on "Divorced, but not done" and thought I would start a new thread under Midlife Crisis after finally piecing all the pieces of the puzzle together. I have been divorced since August, 2007 and my ex has been involved with the OM for what I thought to have been about 7 months. As it turns out, it has been closer to 18 months and started well before we were separated. I couldn't figure out the weird behavior. We went to one counseling session and she said that there was not another person.
This all started right after she turned 40. She got involved in running marathons and started dressing much differently. Anyway, I have read that there is usually another person to help them exit the marriage. I had found a cell phone under our bed right after we were separated and she claimed that it was for work. It turns out that it was given to here by OM. OM lives about 90 minutes away and they travel to each other's homes now several times per week.
I have been devastated by this relationship, but am finally starting to get over it. I have only spoken to ex twice by phone since August and she seldom returns any messages or emails. She has been incredibly secretive about this relationship. No one seems to know when it started and where they met with the exception of one of her friends, who told me about this whole thing. She even invited him over for Xmas dinner at our (now her) house with her parents and brother and sister-in-law. My two oldest daughters (D11 and D9) can't stand this new boyfriend. My ex, however, seems bent on forcing the relationship. He is around all the time and the kids say they just seem like second class citizens.
To sum this up, some of my friends want me to pursue full custody of my oldest daughter, because ex has been so hard on her due to the fact that she (D11) does not agree with the relationship. I have been told in WI that at the age of 12, kids have much more say which parent they want to live with. Also, there is a part of me that still really wishes we could work this out. I'm sure it would be a lot of work. However, need advice. I have basically been doing my own thing and ignoring her for the last few months with the exception of a few screw-ups. I would like to send her a Valentine's Day card that just heaped on the praise for two reasons: One - maybe she might start to think about me and two - if not, it would really heap on more guilt. I have to imagine that there is an awful lot of shame in doing this sort of thing. This little tryst of hers has been going on for what is close to 2 years. Only good news about finding about that it has been at least one year longer than I thought is that maybe she will beam back to Earth sooner.
Need advice. See other thread if you have a lot of time:
