You know what, Frank? I find it all a little passive-aggressive. Maybe I'm just fed-up with the spoiled brat that is your wife. I am sooooo looking forward to when reality finally sets in for her.
Yeah, last night was fun.
We went out for dinner to our favorite place, a Mongolian Barbecue restaurant we have been going to since W and I first started dating in 1986.
On the way she's asking my how my day was, what's going on in my business. I tell her various things that are positive and will bring me some money so I can PAY the mortgage and stuff eventually. She gives me that sickening 'I know you can do it' pep talk. I want to puke.
Then she tells me how she hoped she didn't keep me awake last night since she was 'jumpy' because of the super-mega energy work her friend had done on her. I told her that I didn't notice, and hoped she'd sleep better tonite.
During dinner I stayed detached from her, speaking to my daughters and D17's boyfriend but not initiating anything with her, instead only responding to her if she said something to me.
After a while she ordered a glass of plum wine. She got a little happier.
On the way home she talked to me about various unimportant things but I didn't have much to say so it was quiet. When we got home I was standing in the kitchen kind of looking off into space and she came up close behind me and asked me in her 'everything is normal' tone of voice and asks me "are you looking at something that needs to be fixed?" and I say "No, just thinking and staring". She says "Oh, I thought you saw something that was broken and I thought 'yet another problem to deal with in this old house'".
I said something insignificant, forgot what it was, but was thinking in my head 'yes, another problem for ME to deal with'. Stayed detached. She seemed to need my attention but I'm not going to get sucked in any more. She's either on the team, or off the team.
Later her friend showed up and of course the dynamic changed. They went into the guest bedroom for 'girl talk'. I was in 'our' room watching TV and at one point she came in to get her cell phone and told me "I'm going to show 'P' my new phone and all the cool stuff it does (MP3 player, etc)".
Again, why do I need to know this?
Of course, I'm thinking "why not show her how good it is to use for text messaging? Or maybe you have some photos of your married buddy?" Gotta stop those thoughts, they only hurt me.
A little later I was in the living room watching TV and she walks by with something she had printed out on the computer. I was curious and looked at it as she was walking by and she stopped, got angry and stuck it in my face and said "HERE, you need to see what this is????". It was an invoice for something. I just smiled and looked at her till she walked away.
Nice hostility on her part. Guess she got the 'support' she needed from her friend so she could recharge the 'Frank is being a jerk to me' battery.
This morning she left to go massage people. She also had an envelope with peoples photos on cd's from the Italy trip that she was going to give to 'Mr Text Messages'. I was wondering if she was going to his house (he loves his wife, did you know that?) and drop it off of maybe he could come by her workplace and they could have some 'private time'? Yeah, I'm a doofus.
Her friend 'P' is all nice and friendly to me this morning. Asks me for directions to a place where she wants to take the girls and I stay pleasant - for the girls sake - and tell her what she needs to know. Everything is just peachy.
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And another thing. If she is so freakin' "spiritual" why has she never been able to tune in to YOUR needs? Guess she's an ace at figuring out when there is "heavy energy or negative vibes" in the room. She just falls down a bit when it comes to being compassionate to the man she chose to marry.
Our counselor asked the same question. I had asked W for that kind of help months ago and she said "I can't do that for you like I can for my clients because I only see them for an hour and then I can walk away from their issues. With you I'd be too drained by being in them all the time".
So, the answer is: "It's too hard, I only want to deal with someone who I can be compassionate to for an hour"
Oh, here's a funny thing. W gave D17 a birthday card and in it she wrote some stuff, and ended it with "I'm looking forward to walking with you on your spiritual path".
Right. She has no idea what D17 will do when she finds out he mom is running away from her dad, who D17 knows has been having a hard time with everything the past many months. She will not be forgiven easily.
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Stay strong, my friend. This will be a bumpy ride. Take care of you. Keep your focus on you and your girls. They need you.
Doing my best. The more I am indifferent, the angrier she is getting. Of course she is presenting it to others as 'Frank is being a jerk'. After all, she is 'trying to be nice about all this' and I'm not returning the 'niceness'.
