Well, WAW responded to email by calling last night. She was surprised about me taking 5D to McD's at 8:40 in morning. WAW shared her day about a student and then about our sick cat. She agreed to meet at 8:45. I was in great spirits after this simple call.
I called WAW at 8:35 saying I'd be a bit late and she said she overslept and cat would not take medicine and she would be 30 minutes late. I said well I can get more than $2 in gas then. She said yeah and laughed.
WAW arrived at 9:45, 30 minutes after when she said she would. We talked about 5D school work and then swapping days. Everything real nice, pleasant, some laughs.
Then basically as I was leaving she said, "when are you going to sign papers". I should have just left. I fumbled some papers. Shuffled about trying to decided about getting up and leaving, but stupid me said stuff. 1) said you agreed to change 6 things and haven't, she said she was waiting on my lawyer and he'd promise to call when he heard something. 2) Mentioned her crap visitation in papers. She said early on she is getting this D for 5D but won't change visitation. I said you have admitted I am great Dad now so that makes no sense. She has a clause "any other times we agree" which is her way of saying we'll keep things equal but it is written where I get 5D only 2 days a week. 2) Mentioned why won't you go to retreat for closure and she said cause "she is done". Almost like why bother because she doesn't need it. 3) I wanted to say I am not in a hurry to destroy our family but instead said something like, "you will carry this burden of destroying our family, I have made so many changes in my life and I put so much guilt on myself for this, I hardly blame you. But I am not that man anymore and never will be. After this meeting I am going here or there and going to enjoy the world/day." She replied with an indifferent great. See we are both happier now. I said do you honestly think I am happier without you. She said yes. I said there is not a day go by that I do not think of you in some way. Very frustrating to talk to someone like that. Once again, get up and leave seems best. 4) I said something at one point like you promised me you would never do this. This is a bit pursuing. 5) I got up and said I will do my research on it (implying papers) and get back to you. 6) 5D came to give me hugs and kisses. She got upset and said, "I am going to miss you Daddy." I told her I'd see her soon and she got a little comfort. I think WAW took a lot of notice of it.
Positives 1) pleasant, enjoyable, laughing conversation until lawyer crap 2) met somewhere 3) friendly to one another 4) Not pursuing or begging but more like determined and strong not to destroy family. 5) 5D reinforced the destruction of the family by getting upset when I left by saying she would miss me. 6) Despite error in talking about lawyer stuff, I didn't talk about it long.
Negatives 1) I should have got my cue to leave a bit sooner. Could've avoided lawyer junk 2) Should have just left when she brought it up. 3) Maybe a bit negative throwing burden comment at her. I just do not feel she sees what she is choosing. 4) I guess I shouldn't have said a thing to her about the lawyer just invalidates feelings.
After being so amicable about her work and such, it makes me want to just say the heck with someone that will not even try and consider the new man that I am becoming. I love my WAW, but she was not across that table from me very long today. Why do these women feel like this is best? Are problems are trivial in comparison to others. No other people, drugs, violence, heck I was home every night. I just do not get it. And of course she will not give a reason because she cannot even give that to herself.
Well, I have no plan now except leave her alone, be nice when I see her, and DB coach next weekend. Other ideas would be appreciated. Seems a bit hopeless when she says the word DONE.
Please, any insight would be greatly greatly appreciated.
