I understand how you feel. WAS's do a whole lot of things that make us lose respect for their decisions. Horrible things, done in desperation (in their minds). We, in desperation to save our marriages... for ourselves, for our kids, overlook long enough to fight for them.
Once we "get what we want", it's really common to question it.
I too, wrote a post I was going to add to my thread on Monday. I know what you mean. I should feel greatful to have the chance that I have, and didn't want to sound gushy or gloating. I didn't post.
I thought about it. This is what I came up with: --------------------------------------------------------------- You wrote: But thinking of this, I'm really getting angry. How could she do that to her kids? I can understand her leaving me, but how could she leave her kids???? What kind of a woman is this? Can I trust her now? ---------------------------------------------------
All WAS, man or woman, leave their children. When you chose to fight for your marriage, you chose to try to trust again.
We were not "asked" to be strong and patient. Most of us were asked to let them go. We CHOSE to be strong and patient. We decided that our R's were worth another try. They don't owe us for decisions we made. Did we make the right one? Only we can answer that.
Forgiveness. Sorry, LiN, that's a choice WE made. A choice we made for ourselves. We are not asked to forget it ever happened, we are trying to do our part to make sure it never happens again.
Do you love her? Why would you want her to suffer? It couldn't possibly take your pain away.
Worrying about her reconnecting? Waste of your time and negative energy that can only impede forward progress. If she does, you have another choice to make.
If she moved home a year +2 months ago, I definitely think you feel safe enough to talk to her about how you feel and expect remorse and reassurance from your W. Forgiving doesn't mean that we sweep it under the rug and never "bother" them about it again. You and the kids have to heal. The marriage has to grow. Avoiding conflict won't get you anything but anger. But no, she doesn't "owe" you for love you gave freely.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way lately. I'll probably go dig up my writing from Monday and put it out here so you can straighten me out, 'kay? Piecing is hard. I am still so very hurt. Your sitch got turned around quickly, as did mine, comparatively, but there is probably some fallout from that that we still have to go through. ???
Hope I don't sound like a nosy harpy. Just sayin....
