think you have to be willing to consider a pov different from your own even if it makes no sense to you. You MUST accept that the other person's pov is valid.
It seems to me that you're treating this as a logical problem, and it has to be more than that. For example, let's say your W has to have all the handles of the coffee cups pointed the same direction on the shelf or she can't relax, can't sleep, etc. Logically this is nuts. You DON'T have to accept the logic of having all the handles pointed in the same way, but (if you want to reach common ground some day) you DO have to accept that she has "reasons" (meaning explanations that aren't necessarily reasonable) for her behavior, wants, dislikes, etc.
You have to accept the PERSON and put the Assumption of Good Will into place. "Even though her desire to have the handles pointed in the same direction makes no sense to me, somewhere in her it matters, so I'll assume her good will toward me and will stop bugging her about it."
What Kett said.
There is something very scary about ALLOWING the other person to be who they are with all their annoying, stupid, nonsensical, irrational behaviors, needs, wants, etc. But when you are DIFFERENTIATED, you realize that those needs, wants, etc. aren't a slam on you, they have their own internal causes, and that the other person is dying for love and acceptance just as you are... well then, acceptance becomes possible.
And no, this isn't going to work in every twosome.
