respond or stay still?

[ACJ]

I can't call her for she cut the kids and I out of the family when H left. Even their cousin does not speak to them. So sad

These were her actions not yours. I'd bet good money on the fact that the cousin doesn't speak to your kids b/c he has been told not to. I'm not an expert on how myspace works but my understanding is that you have to 'allow' someone to view your profile. Doesn't that show that he still wants to keep in touch?

This is a hard call. If I were in your shoes I would stop making calls to H. He knows you know, he knows you care. It isn't him that has the cancer. I would however send a card/note to SIL telling her that you are thinking of her and that you will be available if she needs you. Then leave well alone unless either of them asks for your help.