"validate her feeling that she was abused in the marriage"
Make sure you are validating her feelings of abuse, but not validating abuse. My point is be very careful what you do, say and especially any written correspondence.
This can be used against you in court.
If you are worried you may have some control or possible "battering" issues (or want to explore that), do this through a good therapist unrelated to any court programs or anything she has recommended. You do not want this affecting your custody. Approach this as an exploration of general personal growth (improving future relationships).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
