Clearly you both suffered many important losses and had to handle much challenge from 1996 - 2004 -- and that had to have deeply impacted you and your W -- both as individuals and as a working unit as a couple. Your "norm" was always fraught with drama of one sort or another.
But there seems to be "something" missing from 2004 to when it all fell apart in 2006.
It was during this time span of relative calm after the storm when "something" played out.
And it is vital that you figure this out b/c your answers lie in whatever played out from 2004 forward. While the genesis of the marriage deteriorating may have begun prior to 2004 -- the death knoll rang after 2004.
Perhaps you'd both learned to function as independents within the confines of the marriage -- and then when the crisis and challenges ended -- you could no longer meld back into working as a couple.
Or perhaps your partnership works best with a shared goal or challenge to be met -- such as all that you had to deal with between 1996 - 2004.
But clearly "something" happened or changed once the storms of life calmed down.
And what do you see as YOUR part in the breakdown of the marriage?
Your wife is clearly very VERY angry at you for "some" reason. And I believe you do know where it stems from.
If she was answering the question...what would she say was your role in the breakdown of your marriage? What are her main complaints?
Also, how old are you and your wife? I wonder if that plays into this at all too.
Quote:
- were were chatting about dancing and she casually mentioned that 95% of ladys liked men who knew how to dance BUT my wife was not one of them
- this lady also said IF my wife comes back I would have to give up my dancing & that I would only have this year left (to dance)
- she closed off by saying "be careful what you wish for"
All I can say is...VERY strange.
Why does she think your wife doesn't like men who dance?? Is that true to your knowledge? Is there more to this than you've explained? For instance, did your W ever think partner dancing was inappropriate for a married man? Was jealousy or flirtatious behavior on your part -- innocent and harmless or not -- an issue during your marriage?
As to "Standing" vs standing in the way of allowing a spouse to get the divorce they want...scripture says we should follow the lead of the father in the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32).
If someone wants to leave we should let them go with love. We are not to stand in their way.
Standing in the way of the WAS -- continuing to create blocks -- dragging things out -- is not scriptural nor smart. All it does is create a "prisoner mentality" which is not conducive to restoration.
It generates an even stronger desire for the WAS to want to go -- and creates enormous hostility and resentment towards the LBS -- whose actions are actually selfish in both reality and perception.
While the "Stander" should do NOTHING to instigate the divorce or separation -- nor to speed it along or force the situation -- they should not ever stand in the way of their spouse leaving -- or hinder their efforts to get the divorce.
They should protect themselves financially and in all other ways -- but ultimately it ironically does not serve reconciliation or restoration to prolong the divorce process.
Most, if not all, restored marriages happened b/c the LBS finally let go and accepted the situation with grace -- and thus created the space for a restoration.
If the WAS has to expend all their energy in conflict constantly fighting the LBS for their freedom -- there is no room for God to act.
I sense enormous hostility on your W's part. Which means she is feeling trapped and resentful. Is there anything you can do to remedy this?
Anyway...food for thought. You need to pray on it.
