If each of you can accept that the other's pov makes a certain amount of sense, then you can work on solving the problem.
I dunno - if her POV is that sex 2 - 4 times a year is NORMAL, and sufficient, I just don't see how you solve this!
Look - marriage should involve giving to each other, and being flexible. That might involve negotiating the difference between once-a-month and once-a-week sex. But how do you negotiate the difference between twice a week and twice a year??????
She obviously doesn't think that sex is important or fun, and further, doesn't think you're entitled to a different opinion. SHE's the one who is willing to divorce rather than go to a therapist to resolve this issue.
Now - it may be true that her age and hormones are influencing her libido somewhat - but the fact that she stopped being interested as soon as you married implies that it's not a new thing, she just "bait and switch"ed you.
Think about what actions you would have to see on her part to be willing to stay in the marriage. You've already said "mercy sex" isn't enough for you any longer. So - she would have to not only start having sex more often, but also start liking it? Or at least show a good-faith effort to deal with her issues?
I don't really know where I'm going with this, but just wanted to make sure you know you are perfectly normal to think 2-4 times a year is not enough. And this is coming from a 51 year old "average drive" woman.
