LD + HD; Does It Ever Really Work?

[Kettricken]

You are brilliant. You may have just come up with the ultimate metaphor for a SSM.

The answer is, the problem is not that there are messes on the floor nor that you and your wife lack basic problem solving skills. The problem is that you are refusing to acknowledge or address the problem, which is, you are being inconsiderate in a *shared space*.

No one would argue that it's your stuff, to dispose of as you choose. However, unless you're talking about a private haunt such as a so-called office, she has to deal with your crap being strewn hither and yon too. It may limit her ability to find her stuff, when your stuff is visually cluttering all available surfaces. It may make it difficult if not impossible to even store her stuff. If she is a person (like many) who feels emotional peace in a tidy and organized environment and constant tension in a disorderly one, you make that peace difficult if not impossible for her to attain in her own home. All because you are being inconsiderate in a shared space. Her choices are, settle for an environment which is inimical to her needs, leave her own home, or pick up your stuff for you, assuming you will even let her and that she can muster the energy consistently after already picking up all her (not inconsiderable) stuff. Can you say "resentment", kiddies? She shouldn't expect you to "convert" and become a neat freak overnight, but damn, where's the love???

Consider a monogamous sexual relationship to be "shared space" and see where that takes you.

People get so hung up on "My body! My rights!", yes fine excellent .... but they forget that they mutually and freely decided to share that space, at least to an extent. In the shared space of a monogamous marriage, what they do or don't do or won't even consider or acknowledge has a *massive* impact on their partner.

Be considerate in shared space. That really hit me, for some reason. I am the designated slob in our relationship, and it does impact my husband negatively when things aren't tidy. I mean, I try ... but you've really made me "re-view" it from the standpoint of, how would I like it if he was as dilatory about our sexual space as I sometimes am with putting my crap away???

You may be recieving the manly equivalent of a dozen roses from him .... what would that be? A case of microbrew?

Thanks, dude.