Happy to report that we are doing well. Made it through the office party (at our house) managing our conflict well. I know that one big thing that helped is that I've accepted that my h is just not the direct type. He will be helping me with something and then just disappear in the house for an hour or two. Usually I get unhappy about that, not because he's not helping although I admit that would be nice, but because if I were him I'd say, I need to rest, see you later. It's the sneakiness of disappearing when one has made a commitment to do something that gets to me. But not this time. I didn't skip a beat. I was working and singing and refused to allow any internal grumbling. It was so interesting. After a long while he reappeared like a curious cat. It was absolutely cute!
The one minor melt down I had (hey, everybody's life has those) was short lived, I saw what would have been better to do, said so and it was over.
My h complimented me very sweetly in front of the guest of honor and his wife. They are very fit and beauty conscious and have given me disapproving looks about my weight gain. Although I want to loose weight and empathetically wish that for anyone who is overweight, I believe that weightism/sizism is wrong (boy would it take me a long time to write out the explanation for that!). So now although I still like aspects of this couple, I don't feel accepted by them and even when I loose this weight I will not choose them for dearest friends. Perhaps that is part of why I am carrying this weight around--to use my body as a barometer. There has got to be a better way and I am going to find it. Think I'll go looking at the gym .
Any way, it meant a lot to me that my h showed that he loved me in front of this couple. I think I'm learning that love makes it's own way and I have to cooperate. I have learned that many times and undoubtedly will keep doing so. Just hope it keeps sinking in deeper.
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