The worst part is that it wasn't/isn't a real relationship. She can hold on to "what could have been" and romantacize how it would somehow be great, rather than have the reality that this is a younger loser that lives with his mother. blaahh When my wife was doing her thing, I think that things would have progressed better with us if it hadn't all been a fantasy and she had pushed ahead with a real relationship. Probably would have gotten over in a hurry.
Right - I don't know how much of what she thinks or feels is based on reality, or what she believes things/he/they is like. Certainly it is more in line with an infatuation or obsession, rather than a healthy R. She'll give this guy the cold shoulder all the time, probably just to get a response out of him - Never in the five years I've known my W has she ever not talked to me, even with the current situation.
On the other hand, I think it's pretty amusing that he's dating other girls while W is hanging out waiting for him to come around. Maybe W really has to 'fail' before she'll pick herself back up again to start dealing with it all.
Originally Posted By: KerryK
I do think that in some sense you could stand to take your cues from him. What is it that is so attractive? I argue it's that he's not available to her. You are and it isn't any fun...no challenge to it.
At least to me, he represents someone without baggage, independence and freedom from the day to day nonsense of being human. I on the other hand probably scream 'responsibility' to her - She has been good with D, but she's let pretty much everything else go in that department.
Like you said, I think the most attractive thing is the 'fantasy' of it all - It's hard to compete with that on any reasonable level.
