I think that once you move to your new place, you really need to try hard to do as minimal as possible with your W. That is tough to do with D involved, but you need to tell her that you need to live really apart for a while. Simulate what a divorce would be like. Also, dont help her out when she gets into financial trouble. She needs to really come to terms with the fact that she cant exist without you. Maybe she will try really hard to be with OM and fall flat on her face when she finds he is a deadbeat loser.
I was thinking along the same lines - I wasn't going to specifically tell her "I don't wan to be around you as much", but I was going to pull back and see what happens. I really want to work on getting my house setup and start to get settled, so I'll be able to keep myself really busy so as to avoid getting bored and wanting to have her around.
She has already been trying really hard to be with OM - Six months of her pursuing, not pursuing, giving him ultimatums and trying to weasel her way into his life. So far he's spending his time dating other girls and occasionally spending time with W.
Originally Posted By: KerryK
I just cant see the way the two of you have been going as getting you to your goal. She needs to have her life kick her in the face to see what she is giving up by treating you like someone she could care less about.
I'm probably not going to get much closer to my goal unless OM is out of the picture, or W loses interest in pursuing him. Their R/friendship/whatever is very turbulent, so she can be really motivated to spend time with him one day, then the next she won't even talk to him at all. Right now my M with W is more associated with her feelings for OM than any problems we have had.
