New here, though I've lurked for months, perusing many worthwhile threads in the archives. And I've enjoyed them; it's been great to see affirmation that so many others have been down this difficult road and kindly shared their experiences and wisdom.
Me 50, wife 49, married 10 yrs, no kids with each other, 2nd time around for both, both attractive/fit w/no chronic health issues, thank God. SL ended shortly after the honeymoon(well, not quite ended, but ML got down to 2-4 uninspired times per year, and receiving charity sex ain't my bag; I believe she's truly somewhere between LD and ND;). Read SSM 4-5 years ago, lovingly discussed and gave book to wife, she essentially blew it off. Long story short, things really came to a head back in September, and, after a series of poignant discussions (she finally read the book along with a couple others I recommended), now we're separated.
Wife is a kind, honest and beautiful woman. Close friends I've recently shared this with are flabbergasted("you seemed like such a perfect couple etc."). As many of you have observed, true intimacy tends to die when you've got a HD/LD imbalance going on in a relationship, and the latent hurt/anger has sometimes bubbled out of HD me in the form of chilly remarks which really don't help things. Wife is convinced that I have problem with over-obsessiveness with sex, and points out that people just naturally have less sex as they age. She truly cannot believe that two people who really love each other could ever really split up simply because of such a trivial thing as a large imbalance in their level of sexual desire.
When she finally realized how serious the situation was, she rather reluctantly offered to have sex as often as I'd like, if that's what it takes, though she made it somewhat clear she would not be enjoying it. She dug her heels in on my suggestions that we consider a sex therapist, adamantly insisting that is out of the question.
In reflecting on so many of the old threads I've read (and sometimes their aftermath), it seems that it's rare that a couple of truly mismatched sexual desire can ever reach a state where folks can live happy and fulfilling lives; folks that are truly LD (I'm talking LD right down to their bones, not temporarily so) just seem to see relationship issues through different lenses than their HD partners. I understand when children are involved, that things are certainly different, and it may well be worth it to do your darndest to work together and reach a tolerable state of affairs to keep things together; but, in the end, or especially if there are no children in the picture - can we, using the SSM or some other approach, ever reach a state with each other that is relatively free of sex-starved suffering and angst?
Or are we just delaying the inevitable? Thanks for listening.
