love language: for GEL

[Lillieperl]

Hi GEL- Glad you dropped in!

Karen, GEL said:

I had to stop giving him chances and excuses, and he...he had to decide to really participate in our relationship or lose it.

What would you have to do to get things to this point in your R?

[karen1]

Don't know. I think I am coming to it. Despite what Dom thinks, despite how anyone else views me dropping my efforts for a whole year (thinking it is a hissy or passive-aggressive) I think it has been necessary to give me clarity about some things, to regain my own self respect and to have something irrefutable to point out to H. Stressed, tired, frustrated works for an excuse for a week or two or even a month but a year???

Gel - you are a class act.

Karen

[Lillieperl]

I don't think you're being hissy or passive-aggressive. I think what you're doing is similar to hairdog's moratorium and my ankle break.

Dom's unrelenting "yes-but" optimism shows that he doesn't really grasp your sitch. He doesn't know how much you've done and for how long. He can't fathom that some people just don't respond to kindness, understanding, talking, willingness to cooperate.

[Dom R]

Dom's unrelenting "yes-but" optimism shows that he doesn't really grasp your sitch. He doesn't know how much you've done and for how long. He can't fathom that some people just don't respond to kindness, understanding, talking, willingness to cooperate.

Lillie, that paragraph says that you dont understand what I've been writing to Karen. (or just havent read all of it )

I've been saying for a long time in her threads now, "'asking him nicely', just hasnt worked. It's time to take a stand, and throw plates around".

When I say that Karen hasnt "confronted him", I dont mean, "she hasnt 'discussed it with her H'". I mean, she hasnt Confronted him. As in, "Look buddy this isnt acceptible any more what are you going to DO TO FIX IT?!!"
(which I have also written in her threads multiple times)

Anyways, enough of that here. Karen should start a new (unlocked) thread, if she wants people to talk about her situation further

[dafty]

Hey Gel,

I don't know if you have had a chance to read the Sex Starved Wife, but your situation (the Modonna/Whore syndrome) made it into the book. I have been mostly a lurker for many years here but your situation from the SSM board was the only one that made it into the book.

Dafty

[Greeneyedlass]

dafty, no...I haven't had a chance to pick up that book yet, but have been meaning to. Thanks for the heads-up. I'll definitely check it out :-)

[Heywyre]

I might as well add something to this

Yes, GEL has been "swamped", to say the least, a big part of that is because she has been expending a TREMENDOUS amount of time helping me through my situation and I am pleased to say, things are FINALLY starting to improve (hope I haven't jinxed myself)

I have thanked her numerous times but here it is again, on the DB site where everyone can see - THANK YOU GEL - YOU ARE THE BEST!!!

[believing_isaiah43]

heywyre,

for pity's sake woman, we'd love to hear from you!!