Confessions of a Supermom - JennyF's 4th thread

[JennyF]

Brit...

It would be nice to get an explanation for it from someone, but mental health stuff is so difficult to really pin down.

This is why I hinge so much of the explanation of a life crisis. My H has followed the MLC script to a T, now I just hope he plays the rest of out too! The hard part is knowing that there is nothing we can do to help them.


SO2,

Does your H pay you child support? This is a big ? for me as I want H to be here as much as he wants as long as things are progressing for us. But I don't want to be the sole supporter for our daughter. As long as we are not married I should still ask him for cs right?

Since my H dropped the bomb 6 wks before I gave birth and in Canada we get a year of mat leave (lucky us!!), nothing has changed with regards to our finances. He is still paying everything as if we were still together. If he didn't, I couldn't live here and even though he wants me to move, I am not moving until I go back to work in Oct. He can suck it up.
You absolutely need CS and have every right to ask for it. Regardless of what happens between you and your H you need to know that your D will be taken care of. By the sounds of your H's intentions he shouldn't have a problem with this.

hopetoworkitout,

It's so funny because you give me such great and truthful advice that it is hard to imagine that you get in a rut yourself.

I find giving advice to others helps me put my own sitch into perspective. It helps me to realize that I know exactly what I need to do and when you take the personal emotion away from it...it's quite easy to see things objectively.
I am quite an emotional person, so it is hard for me to separate these things sometimes. But as long as I vent here and not with H I'm doing ok.
I read this on someone's thread and it always helps me...(sorry I can't give credit as I didn't cut and paste the author!)

"Feelings are not facts..... My Chief task therefore, is to keep my thinking true and my behavior sound and go by what I KNOW, not how I FEEL."

Also, I think I would having a harder time with this if H was actually showing me some of the little signs of closeness here and there that a lot of people get. I don't get any of this. H is a stranger completely so it is easier to detach. Of course this makes it more difficult to keep the faith that things will work out...but at the same time I'm just hoping this means he is in the darkest part of his tunnel and that this too is part of his process. No matter what I know it is going to take time and looking for things that aren't there right now is just going to drive me more crazy.

In the mean time...I'm looking at me!

Thanks for reminding me about the list I made! I've checked everything off me list except signing up for Yoga. It's been such a busy week that I didn't get to it. I love saying that I have actually been busy!
The list really helped keep me focused and I will definetly try to do one each week.

D is going with her Dad tonight and I am taking S to a friends house for the night. Her H is away so we are going to have a lot of wine once her D's are in bed!
Here is something of encouragement for everyone...
This friend of mine that I am going to go see has 2 D's, one turns 2 today and the other is 5 1/2.
When her 1st D was 7 months old, her H left her for someone else. He was gone about 7 months in total. He said it was over. Loved OW and didn't want to work on their M. My friend was the strongest person I've ever seen! She had her rough times for the first few months as we all do, but then she found her strength and GAL. She had begun to move on and do what she needed to for herself and her D. She did not have DB as a reference, but she was doing all of the DB things on her own (which I now know). Looks like they worked, because he came home about 7 months later to work on things and now 4 1/2 years later they are going strong and had another child!
She told me once that she reached a point when just knew she was going to be ok. That she realized that she could do it on her own. Then poof...he suddenly wants to come back!

So there you have it! It can happen and it does happen!!!
Hang in there everyone...at least we've got eachother!
J~