Sniff. Sniff Is that..uh...MAN I SMELL? Welcome back Frank. Welcome back.
Yes FIB, yes. It was the support of you and the other men who I gave my support to when they needed it that has been coming back to me 10 fold.
For all the love and kindness W has given me over the years, it hasn't been balanced with true partnership and support. I thought it was, and I was mistaken.
I guess it was when my counselor made a very big point of telling me that I really was not well the past few months, and that I really needed help, that allowed me to forgive myself for the things I thought I had done that were 'bad'. And telling me that I NEEDED to let W go because my feeling 'responsible' for her was going to destroy me and we just can not allow that to happen because my daughters need ME more than they need her.
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And that's the key frank. You've done your DB'ing. Now..you must focus on YOU...focus on YOUR NEEDS...forgive and heal. If you find yourself doing things to 'not push her away' or planning things about 'how XXX will feel', then, you are failing yourself. DO THINGS FOR YOU RIGHT NOW. DO WHAT FRANK WANTS TO DO. I applaud you for your incredibly strong decision to just say, 'no...I'm not letting you take away the Friday BDay dinner and NO..I will not go Saturday." Bravo. I like this Frank.
Ah yes, this is sooooo hard for me. The 'fixer', the 'caretaker', the 'selfless martyr'. But this is my lesson also. Being selfless in the face of your own destruction is only valid when protecting your family from true harm. The rest of the time it's futile and serves no one.
