W less angry with me, but not ready for piecing

[fb2]

For me to forgive I'd need to see her re commit. I don't need a full confession, I don't need an admission of guilt, I don't need the gory details, I just want honest commitment.

Lan, I feel the same way about forgiveness. For me there also has to be a some heartfelt regret/relenting from the offender if not tho' I may yearn to forgive it truly does not happen. You are calling it commitment which may translate to the same thing. But since you have decided to love W thru' all that has happened, in time or with some event things may happen.

[Lanzo]

Hiem, Bh,

Thanks for you thoughts.

This forgiving thing has taken me to the limits of my current knowledge. I need to go away and read learn and understand more on this point. I've spent so much time on all of the earlier points on this journey that I didn't think I'd get this far.

Deep down I know I harbour bitterness, resentment, anger and all of those horrible things. I think W knows thinks this too which is why she's already steeled herself by saying "I don't think you'll ever be able to forgive me".

I got on to this point becauae I didn't want to move on without anything being said to acknowledge what we've been through, I didn't want it buried, glossed over or become a taboo subject.

Hmmmm.... forgivness that's a tough one for me because I've shown I don't fully understand. I've been pretty much switched on with everything else but I haven't got this one yet.

Ok I'm thinking, soon to be reading.

Lan

[bhopeful]

I don't have any good book suggestions, but that link that I sent you in an earlier post is a really good place to start. It's a good overview of the basic fundamentals of forgiveness.

I'll let you know if I find any good books.

Peace,
B

[Lanzo]

Anyway with all this talk about anger, resentment, bitterness etc. I won't take anything away from the progress I have made in the last few weeks.

In fact I've just had quite an amusing interaction with W. This evening when she arrived home I still had forgiveness on my mind so I walked up to her and gave her a big hug. The norm would be for her to pull away after letting me squeeze her. But today she hugged me back even harder, in fact I had to pull her away to break the clinch.

Then W decided to go to the gym, as she keeps talking about getting herself into shape, she said to me that I had an hour or so before picking up D6 so I should join her. Then she said are you sure you haven't got anything else to do, not even file for D on line. I look puzzled then I realised that the DB site was still on the computer screen behind me. I was about to explain what the site was about but W said you don't need to say anything.

Anyway I just laughed to myself and we went to the gym together.


Lan

[bhopeful]

Hey Lanzo, I definitely wasn't trying to discount any progress that you've made. You should be proud of how things are going. I guess that I was just trying to help you figure out what it would take to get to the next step in this and that seemed like it was it.

Sorry if I came across to harsh or preachy. Not my intention in the least.

Congrats on getting asked to go to the gym with her. That's something new right? If so, can you work it into part of your routine if it seems like a positive experience?

[fb2]

I look puzzled then I realised that the DB site was still on the computer screen behind me.

I've wondered about this. With the spouse lurking about, how does going on the computer work for people? Isn't the WA curious, suspicious? What if they found out would it bust DBing?

[Lanzo]

I won't take anything away from the progress I have made in the last few weeks.

Actually this was a bit of self praise, not a dig at any one.

Sorry if I came across to harsh or preachy. Not my intention in the least.

Absolutely not, I am extremely grateful to you and the other members for taking the time and interest to look at my sitch and help me to look at things from a different perspetive.


Lan

I've wondered about this. With the spouse lurking about, how does going on the computer work for people? Isn't the WA curious, suspicious? What if they found out would it bust DBing?

My W was peaking over my shoulder the other day when I was posting on the forum, among other things. Whenever she'd head over in my direction, I'd switch back to ordering the phone service for my new house She wasn't even sneaky about it - She went over to water a plant behind me, then turned around and had a good look at what I was doing...

[Lanzo]

I have to move away cos I couldn't take any anymore without spoiling things and trying for more.

Well tonight I tried for more and spoiled things. (Well I'm only human) I don't think there will be any lasting damage done but if W is still ok with me then I think I'll level off and platau at this point so W doesn't feel any added pressure.

So "Break the Ice" doesn't work, "test and response", well I got my response loud and clear (she's not ready).

So there will be no sulking from me just back to basics, she still wants to spend time with me so we've still got a chance.


Lan

[fb2]

Hi Lan, I suppose its worth gently testing for some traction every so often or we may get stuck in neutral too long.