3. Realise things aren't quite right and use this as the signal that you are fused and need to start detaching
4. Assess the result and either fold or continue playing the game
It's probably impossible NOT to become fused with someone during the buzzy chemical phase - it's probably even necessary. But the step that most people seem to skip is graceful detachment.
I disagree. I think those of us who are self-aware should shoot for:
1) Find someone suitable but don't fall in love.
2) Continue to objectively assess the relationship even if the other does fall in love with you.
3) Wait until other falls out of love and is also able to objectively assess relationship.
4) If you both objectively assess positively then commit.
5) Allow yourself to fall in love but remain differentiated and thereby avoid fusion as best as possible.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
