This is also why I think detachment and differentiation is working against the goal of having a better M. You can't detach and have more sex. So why would people be working so hard on detachment on a SSM message board. That doesn't make any sense to me.
Detachment and differentiation aren't the same thing. Detachment is a form of avoidant fusion. Avoiders aren't any more differentiated than pursuers or they wouldn't be stuck in cr*p relationships either. In the realm of sexuality becoming more differentiated is equivalent to taking more personal ownership of your sexuality. Doing this has the effect of making the LD spouse more sexual and the HD spouse more sexy.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
