I have to agree more so with what Just_me is stating in his post. Dating for us is a waste of time at this point, she either wants to be in a M with or she doesn't. Dating my reinforce that or it may not, but I'm not willing to date and get nothing in return while she plays the field.
I am defiently at a point where there has to be more. The fact of the matter is, I continue to work on myself, I have taken 100% responsibility for my share of the breakdown, while she continues to blame me 100% for her share and her A. I didn't make her take her clothes off and roll around naked with him.
My sponsor and I have been toying around with some questions and how that would look and this is what I have so far. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
1. Do you want to build a happy healthy M/R with each other?
Most likely I expect to get the I don't know. At which point he thinks I should ask nothing further. Let her know that it is now her decision and I love her enough to let her go. Drope the rope and work on my sobriety. The one thing we haven't decided upon is a timeline, waiting until if she makes no effort then D'ing. We both agree there should be one, most likely the 90 days as already stated, but we haven't decided whether it should be announced to her, have nothing said, or just say there is one but not tell her how long.
2. If a miracle, and she says yes. Then what must we have right now to start?
My answer to total openness and honesty and exclusivity.
3. Lastly, what actions do we need to do in order to build a happy, healthy, M/R?
We came up with IC, MC, Support AA efforts, STD check, Date night, etc. These would each come in time. But we would compare lists and go from there.
Overwhelmingly, I know that I will get the I don't know on number 1. Then I head towards the after the LRT technique. Then it will be up to her. I do have enough going on to fill my time and I am enjoying my changing life, it would be better with her in it, but there are other fish, and I think maybe alone for a while would be nice as it has been so far.
Penny for your thoughts, half price from your two cents!
