C also said that she could see that I was the strong person I always have been and that as long as I stay around her in this current situation she's going to pull me down. Case in point - the 'be nice - pull away' stuff that W does. She said that will drain me and I can't allow that to happen to me any longer.
Hmmm...this sounds familiar. Now..where did this come from (thumping fingers on table). How true...don't reach the point of total exhaustion followed by repetitive abuse.
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No. I told W that she and the girls could certainly go our for dinner on Saturday with 'P' but I wasn't going to go. I said we'll go our for dinner on D17's birthday FRIDAY.
Sniff. Sniff Is that..uh...MAN I SMELL? Welcome back Frank. Welcome back.
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Maybe I shouldn't have done this, but I went upstairs and took a moment to tell W that I wasn't angry at 'P', but that when she and I and the girls go out together I always feel like the 'fifth wheel' since it's all girl talk. She thanked me for explaining that.
N.U.T.S. Rule and basic man stuff...no need to defend yourself.
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All because I'm no longer going to just do what she wants me to do to make HER happy, if in doing it, it will make ME uncomfortable. And being around her girlfriend whom I have no respect for, or her married guy friend whom I want to punch out, will not be 'good' for me.
And that's the key frank. You've done your DB'ing. Now..you must focus on YOU...focus on YOUR NEEDS...forgive and heal. If you find yourself doing things to 'not push her away' or planning things about 'how XXX will feel', then, you are failing yourself. DO THINGS FOR YOU RIGHT NOW. DO WHAT FRANK WANTS TO DO. I applaud you for your incredibly strong decision to just say, 'no...I'm not letting you take away the Friday BDay dinner and NO..I will not go Saturday." Bravo. I like this Frank.
Other N.U.T.S. for frank:
1) I stayed through one indiscretion. I refuse to accept another. 2) Texting a married man outside of business or social needs is crossing my marital boundaries. 3) Marriage is about love and support and respect. Without it, I choose to move on.
Keep up the good work frank. This has been rough on you. I see some sunlight.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
