Sorry, this is just a really touchy subject for me. I work everyday to protect my children and help them to be happy. The thought of hurting them willfully rips me apart.
my W thinks everything will be fine with our kids and that most have no issues. I haven't talked to one of my friends that went through this as a kid that it didn't have a huge affect on them. W is totally selfish.
the other thing they are telling me is that they all resented the parent that chose this route.
BECAUSE SHE IS BEING SELFISH, AND NOT THINKING CLEARLY.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
I hope you don't mind me thinking out loud here. I am sorry so many of us are on this stupid boat, but we will all survive, I am sure of it.
It seems that at first THEY do think about the kids but pretty soon some kind of defense mechanism comes in and they start thinking the normal BS that kids adapt easily, kids do get over things eventually and that so many kids come from broken homes and do alright. Happily married "friends" tell them this kind of staff to ease the guilt and help them decide. In my case even his father and sister told him this kind of BS.
My H -who is a great father- was telling me when things started looking bad that the only thing that kept him with me were our 2 wonderful kids. What I never understood is what greater motive does anyone need to try and fix their marriage. I just don't get it. I read all these stories here and it seems that most people deliberately "forget" the cost their decision has on their kids.
My H was shocked when the first month the therapist told us that our 6 year old son was DEPRESSED !! Six year old. Just started school. 2 days later he "figured out" on his own that the therapist was not a good one. Our son was ashamed to ask him to come home. He was asking from me to do that.
I guess that was a big turning point for me then. I decided I would all I could, to make him and his sister feel safe again. No crying, put my funny face on and started doing things with them. And it works but you know what, I love my H. I know now that I do NOT NEED him but I love him anyways. They say that is the mature kind of love. I don't know. Everytime I try to picture my future, I feel OK about me personally but I get very sad about my kids...
Kalni
(PS Forgive my English, I would prefer posting in Greek but something tells me it would all sound very Greek to you guys!!)
had discussion with W today. we hadn't talked like that for quite awhile. she wanted to talk business and I deferred it into my agenda. I just asked her to listen and to really consider the points I was making.
an interesting development. she told me EA guy is totally freaked out about me. I sent him a blank email on sat am just for that purpose. he told her he didn't know what it meant and feared for his life. he's not sure what I'm going to do and that they shouldn't talk anymore and probably shouldn't be friends. she might not like that for awhile, but hopefully mission accomplished.
I hope this is the beginning of some positive change.
I know I broke some DB rules bur I needed to do something different than just nothing.
I thought it was great mystery. his email was easy. its generic at the company he works for.
Stuff like the e-mail can easily back fire - They now have a 'joint cause' that may pull them closer together. If he's freaking out, then he most likely isn't all that serious about it, but you never know...
After our long discussion the other day, W emailed me soon after asking if we could continue the discussion, and do it out of our house.
Not sure what that means. Maybe she didnt get a chance to talk about what she wanted. Not sure why it has to be out of the house, but o.k.
We are going out to dinner tonight. Just the two of us. I'm sort of skeptical on her motives, but considering we hadnt talked really for about 2 weeks, I am excited and nervous about this. She asked me what time and I told her and I also asked her if she was excited to go out..."depends on how the conversation goes"....
I am expecting she wants to talk particulars regarding the D...not what I want to do.
We are going out to dinner tonight. Just the two of us. I'm sort of skeptical on her motives, but considering we hadnt talked really for about 2 weeks, I am excited and nervous about this. She asked me what time and I told her and I also asked her if she was excited to go out..."depends on how the conversation goes"....
I'd go with really low expectations - You've not done much with her in a while, so it's easy to get excited, but I don't think anyone wants you posting here about how disappointed you were about dinner.
Don't over think it - Just go with the flow. Pretty much all you can do at this stage.
