I keep saying this is going to be a day by day, minute by minute thing... I know that is how it is. But that is not easy when I like to "fix" things. I guess I or the W will never just wake up one morning and things will be "OK" or back to normal. I am trying to get that through my thick head.
The W just left to go see her C for her second session. I tell you what, she looked really GOOD when she left. Whenever I used to see her cleaned up and going somewhere looking good my thoughts were "wow what a great looking W -- I am a lucky man." Now when I see her walking out the door looking good, I say in my head "I think there is a good chance that she is looking good for the OM, or that she is going to meet up with that SOB." That gets my goat.
But, on the self-improvement front, I am going full speed ahead with re-igniting some of my old hobbies and pssions. The W has definately taken notice of it. I do know this--- I am doing it for ME, not to get her back.
For the time being, I have stopped 'monitoring' her communications, etc. When and if she ever comes to me and says the A is over, then the monitoring will resume until the trust is back. But for now, for my own sanity, I need to stop looking at that stuff. IF I think something is about to happen, or things change suddenly, I will take a look at that stuff again though. I don't want to get hit by another bus because I was blind.
