Your right, it is no diffrent then being divorced. She has her safety net and gets to do as she pleases to, we have little to no contact as it is unless she NEEDS something. Not sure why she agreed to it as well. I think she is trying to keep the safety net there why she looks for something better, and if she can't find it, oh well at least I have this one. This may sounds selfish and what not, but I'm sick of hearing from her how nice it is that we are developing such a good friendship because this will be so good for our S to see us get along as a D'ed couple. I want things to work, but if she is bound to go the other way, I have to say I won't be happy about it or nice. She has screwed me over in a lot of respects and I don't owe her respect for that.
I guess I'm torn with starting with the beginner's mind as we say and asking her out as I would any one else, and not demanding anything and treating as a brand new R. The reason I state this, is she knows how I feel, it has been made clear. So with her knowing where I stand but no action on her part, I don't know if she wants to date me to just have fun or actually explore whether we are workable. Second, I won't tolerate any drinking. She knows this and won't push it with me, that isn't an issue. However, if things did become more serious then she would have to concede to some type of sober life.
My other thought, after reading in the DR book lately, is to try the "after the LRT" around page 218 I think, in the infidelity chapter. I'm leaning towards this idea for two reasons. First, it allows me to continue to work on my sobriety without dealing with W or the M for now. Second, she hasn't responded positively to me until I did drop the rope and show her I didn't need her. So maybe I need to quit the I am here for you BS, and move on to the it's up to you to decide but I won't accept your lifestyle and choices as they are now.
I just think she is still in such a remote place of indecision, that pursueing for a date, while sounding fun and bringing us together, she won't be assessing our R, rather just looking for someone to hang out with and have fun. I'm just starting to think that after 7 months she needs to be shown the full ramifications of what her decision will gain for her. She has had small glimpses of this, but I have been overwhelming to willing to help and be a rock to lean on in her tough times. Whenever I need to talk to her about S or anything she doesn't respond, and if she does it is on her time line. On the flip side of that coin I'm way to available for her. I help with anything she needs, make repairs, respond to requests and am not showing any effort at detaching. She knows she has me by the short ones and I am allowing her to over reach and take advantage. It is my fault. I just have to make some sort of move or change.
