have a hair across my butt and don't know exactly why.
yesterday was sons b-day party...yes yes h did lots of work in the yard to make the place look nice but it was raining so we weren't outside... I made the cake..the veggie tray, the taco dip, the cold cut tray, the chees & cracker tray, the cookies, sent out the invitations, made the gift bags, set up the table, helped son make a pinata, made the meatballs, made the coffee, stayed on the main floor with all the guests and made sure the kids were ok...
h went to work in the morning and came home at noon..the party started at 1...for most of the day h was downstairs at the bar watching the football draft...
h came up and made himself a plate of meatballs before the food was served on the table...
made a few cameo appearances to the main floor...
asked to hold off on the cake and presents so that he could eat (gee wtf were you doing when everyone else was eating???)
h's family didn't leave til after 8pm.
new sil was cold to me as is typical for her now (catty catty catty!!)
dd crashed into the corner of the table...nice little shiner!! dd was tired and rubbing her eyes...hypocondriac worry worts said..keep an eye on her eye she's rubbing it..she may end up with conjunctive ititis...sheesh whats with people...she's tired...and she's got a booboo..why do you have to think the worst?? (btw dd's is totally fine aside from a little black and blue under her eye, she's still a cutie pie)
son had a great day.
when all was said and done...when I had cleaned the playroom and organized the gifts (ok h sat on the floor and broke up the boxes) I wanted to watched the video of the day (only a 30min thing) h watched it with me...but got off the couch and sat on the floor...when it was done (son is adorable) h decides he's gonna go up and lay down with son (who is sleeping) for a while..for me to wake him when I go up so he can come to bed.
sorry folks...things just didn't settle right with me..
no compassion from h in regard to sil bitchiness... no hug..."you did a great job" no hug...at all the whole stress filled day!!
so I couldn't sleep...just felt like I didn't belong in my own bed...like there was a huge wall up between h and I.
thing is I don't think it's me...sure I could just be aloof do my own thing go about my business...do what I want to do...etc..but then what's the point of being married??
h does what he wants whenever he wants... I felt guilty for the occassional moment when I would step outside and chat with one of my friends...h sure didn't feel guilty for spending the whole day downstairs watching footbal draft crap.
and sure I know it's not h's problem that his brothers wife is an immiture little girl who has said catty things to me or just plain rude uncompassionate things to me and now is just cold to me...sure it's not h's problem...nothing is h's problem...so why should he be supportive of me?? why should he offer any comfort to me where it is a concern to me...it's not his problem.
so it's sunday morning and at 7 am h had to get up to go take a shower...h has left to go get the bob-cat to work in the yard or driveway not sure...as his plans are something I am not privy to.
I feel like I was lied to...
funny how the waw always wants to know that the lbs changes are for real...gee guess the was doesn't have to make their changes for real now do they...
when h came home he was loving and affectionite..attentive...awake...physical...cuddly...alive..now h is once again going about his business and I feel like I shouldn't be here...like I just get in his way!!
