Better late than never?

[jon2911]

Last night was a major step back. Argh, so frustrating.

We had planned to go dancing, but W was worried about the freezing rain in the forecast and wanted to stay in. I took her to a nice dinner. Things seemed to be going well, she'd even texted me at 2 AM Wednesday night asking me to come over. We haven't spent longer than one night apart in about a month.

We went to bed early, but she got up in the middle of the night to get a snack and invited me to come, and we had trouble falling back asleep. Talking went well, and I even said "this is fun" at one point.

I asked her more about her migraines, which have just been terrible lately. I'm trying to find resources online to understand how to help her better. Thursday night, I could tell her head was really hurting, and we didn't have nearly as much fun as Tuesday night. The problem is, the more people ask her about it, the more it hurts. So I'm kind of at a loss for ideas. I've heard of couples with sexual problems putting a number 1-5 on the refrigerator every night to communicate to each other. Maybe she could do that, where I come in the door and see a 5 and know to be quiet, keep things dark, etc. She quickly said "don't worry about it, I won't be in Dallas much longer anyway."

That really stung. Guess I'm not as detached as I need to be. Things went down hill from there, until she finally said "this has been so fun, but only because we're pretending. As soon as we stop pretending, it's not fun any more. I can't do real life, it hurts too much. I gave you so many chances to change, and I'm not going to get hurt like that again."

So, somehow I let it get to R talk, and all the WAW thoughts came back. The problem is, I agree that DBing is pretending to a certain extent. Acting as if, avoiding all the issues or R talk, just being friends and having fun. (Of course, I'm not going to tell her any of that). But somehow it allows people to start opening their hearts to each other and get the good feelings back, which then allows the issues to be worked through later. I kept my mouth shut last night and left her place at 5 AM, pretty devastated. The more I think about her comments though, I can tell her feelings are coming back, and she's trying to fight them off and convince herself that she shouldn't give this another try.

I'm just going to leave her alone for the next day and a half, hopefully we're still on for this weekend, and can get back to "pretending" Anyone have any thoughts on this?