WCW, I haven't been in a situation anything like yours so take my advice with a grain of salt.
Is there an OW? I haven't read your sitch so I'm not sure.
Anyway, my advice is if you don't have Divorce Remedy get it. I like it better than DB. Your situation sounds like one where you two have gotten comfortable and it's time to "do something different". Set some goals for how you want your relationship to look. What things would be happening in your life if your R was moving in the direction you wanted it to move in? What sort of things would you actually be able to SEE. (for example maybe he would slowly start moving some of his things back in, or maybe the first sign would be that at one of your joint events you ride together instead of going seperately.)
Anyway, set some long term goals - H back in the bedroom and all his stuff in the house with a happy marriage.
and set some short term ones that will be signs that you are heading in the right direction.
Again, you do sound way to comfortable and it sounds like maybe you need to shake things up, do something different. If you keep doing the same things over and over then you can expect the same results. Sounds as if your entire relationship has become a cheeseless tunnel, time to go out and search for a better tunnel.
To answer your question, I don't think you should try to get him to leave, I think you should sit down and really evaluate your R and what you could do to make it better and move in that direction. All it really takes is one person whose willing to step back and look at a situation and make changes in order for the other person to take notice. It won't happen overnight, but give it a few months and see where things lead.
Post your ideas and get feedback on them.
good luck.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
