Great post, fran! My dealbreaker is her disrespect, manifested in her refusal to accept my point of view (to the point of active scorn of it) about the importance to me of physical intimacy, while, at the same time, expecting total support by me of her point of view, which is that physical intimacy is not an essential element in a marriage, and that the "norm" is that most couples do not have regular sex.
Just last night we were watching TV and the issue of the tax rebate came up. We talked about the economy, recession, and how we're fairly fortunate in that our jobs are likely recession-proof. H: People will still need to get divorces. W: A recession would probably increase the number of people looking to divorce. The biggest complaint in the divorces I handle is about money. That, and sex. 'My wife won't have sex with me often enough1' or 'all my husband wants to do is have sex with me.' That's why I think our situation is just normal. H: Well, at least among the sample population of people looking to divorce. W: Not just them.
At this point, I thought, what a natural segue into the "message" of acceptance, desire, love, and sex, except for the fact that I'm not ready to "deliver the message." I'm actually contemplating sending her an email to clarify that my silence after her "not just them" statement was not assent to her position. My refusal to engage her on this topic has more to do with my general desire to avoid confrontations than it has to do with her wearing me down and getting me to come over to her camp.
Anyway...thanks for the post, fran, and I'm glad to hear that things are smelling and looking better in your household.
