I also think your H is trying, there are signs, but I do have a problem with his "That's just the way I am" defense.
I was rather fond of that one myself pre-bomb#1, when it came to my temper, anxiety, sarcasm etc. It's bullsh!t. We're talking about BEHAVIOUR here, THAT can indeed be modified. Aren't all of us here on the BB living proof of that???
I had some rough moments on our getaway, thinking of all of his hotel suite trysts with the OW. Surely he didn't flick on the T.V with them? Surely it wasn't too much trouble to drive somewhere nice for dinner in a new city, or take a cab? (we had chinese delivery one night). Surely there weren't arguments over THEM being the navigator. And of course, the biggie: surely they didn't spend three nights in a luxury suite complete with jacuzzi and not have sex. (There were a couple of attempts that went nowhere).
I even pointed out how strategically placed the mirror in the bedroom was (did a few poses) but when I returned from the bathroom, H was in the other room with the T.V. on eating some chips.
But then today, feeling overwhelmed by everything, I just came out and asked H if he'd do my taxes for me (I'd been grumbling about it) and he did. I guess we really do have to ask for what we want sometimes. Wish it worked for everything.
