Not that I wouldn't have guessed that my W would begin to show some indication of what appears to be neediness and being a little conciliatory. It just so happens that a few days ago her only child my stepD19 got to take a brief European vaca to Germany. My W doesn't have any real close attachments/friends. So with me pretty well either semi or permanently banished from an intimate R w/ her and her D out of town for a few days already and a few more to go, she has called me three times so far today. After the second 1 I returned her call to sort out logistical type stuff and it was then that she mentioned D being away for a while. I felt really good about how I handled myself during that call. And just in the last hr I got a call that I missed by about a minute. Her msg was nearly incoherent and ultra short, "Iiitts meee (and her name)". She sounded pretty well out of it and in the dumps. It seemed like bait for me to call her back. But for now anyway unless there is another call explicitly requesting me to call her back then I really won't even consider it. Man I have come a long way from being in complete and total 100% chase/pursuit mode 100% of the time. As the C put it 'distancer-pursuer'.
I am just rolling along with my morning routines here. After my last post late last night another my phone rang yet again @ midnight (rather unusual for W). Once again I did not take the call and the subsuquent msg was, "I am just calling to let you know that I am not going to be able to make our previously planned Saturday meeting to sort through the stuff in storage shed w/ you, as you know my sister's health has been bad and I need to head home, so you can get what you want fm there and I will have to do it later . .good night"
I am debating as to whether to casually get back to her just to insure that her sister's health has not taken some terrible turn. I will probably do that at some point today and I will just confirm having rec'd her msg with a comment about, 'I hope your sis is alright'.
That's a wrap 4 now, the car is warm (maybe even outa gas by now), time to walk the dogette and catcha few morning ZZZZZZZ.
I hope everyboby's day goes swimmingly well. May the Lord's peace and grace be with you all.
D is a little reality check on the anger. She's probably much more sensitive to it than anyone else would normally be. It's good that she said something to you.
I think it would be a nice gesture to contact her and see if her sister is doing ok. She obviously wants to talk to you. I would just avoid any R talk in that call. Just make it friendly.
Hope you are doing well... ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
Thanks Ann, I did get the chance to talk briefly w/ my sweet D14 last night. I call her at her foster hm a couple X per week as a minimum. I had just dropped her off there on Tuesday & since she was stressed and in a sour mood in general and particularly @ me I chose not to call her later that evening. But when I spoke 2 her last night (she chose not to decline my call )it seemed like the 24 hr cool off worked somewhat cuz she seemed upbeat that I called. Beyond that she really didn't have much to say at all, but it was great to hear her voice and perhaps she felt the same.
In terms of my W's sitch, she left me a more detailed message this afternoon explaining the problems w/ her sis' health. The news was not good, as her sis (who already had a tumor on her tongue removed 6 months ago)aparently has a tumor on her right leg. In response to this news I immediately phoned & left msg for W to let her know of my shock to this and that I along w/ anyone else I could recruit will be praying 4 her sis. I also told her to let me know if she could use any other help.
So the days been a little turbulent. I did however stay on track with my excercise routine by heading out to the H.S. track and running through the snow showers. It was exhilerating in the below freezing temps. The focus seems to be where it ought to be today. I hope and pray that it remains.
I certainly am looking fwd to next week as I am on vaca fm work. On one hand that is surely exciting, but it also leaves me with a lot of idle time and idle thoughts that go along with that. Eeehh maybe when the time arrives it won't be so idle afterall. I may choose to head out to SoCal this time next week (my family will be bummed if I decline). My sis lives in San Diego area and she is hosting my bro and P's next week. I kinda feel like I will be under a microscope with all of my present difficulties so I don't know that I am all that enthused about going. So I won't make up my mind until last minute.
That's enough of an update 4 now. Everybody keep a clear head and let God do most of the work.
My W called bout an hour ago and let me know that she appreciated my vm in which I told her I was shocked to hear of her sis' medical diagnosis and that I would surely include her in my prayers. And she reinstated are planned meeting 4 Saturday to get our storage shed cleared out.
She said she was really struggling to cope with all that is happening in her life and could not get to sleep tonight. I mentioned that I would grab a card to send to her sis & she was pleased by that and said I could leave it w/ her when we get together next. Also she told me that D14 called her tonight since this was going to be her weekend with D14. But with all that she is dealing with right now she couldn't bring herself to answer the phone and explain all this crap to D14 and perhaps have to decline to spend this weekend with her afterall.
Hi all, One last work night to get through, which starts in :45 mins then it is unplug/vaca time for me next week. Don't know how much relaxing I will do but it feels good to have the freedom to do whatever.
I have been trying to keep some sort of semi-regular contact w/ WAW, since her life is in a word CRUSHING her. She just found out in the last day or two that her sis40 has some kind of cancerous? mass on her right leg and will learn more about the surgical options and how immediate the need is for them on Tues.
It is very evident from hearing W's voice just now that she is not holding up well to the absurd weight of the many crises she is experiencing. I will (without pressing the issue)be sure to include in each and every talk I have with her that I will be happy to assist her in any way I can.
To know that my bride is sooooo hurting right now and I do not get to practice trying to be the caring, comforting, soothing H that I know that I can be for her really just sucks the life right out of me.
I use the word practice because I know that all of my previous efforts in that dept seemed to rarely get acknowleged and when they were it was with a complaint and with disdain. So my confidence level to be able to sucessfully comfort her was shot to he#*. I am really troubled even worse than most people I think when it comes to failure and rejection.
ann