normally I would have called and see if wife wanted one but..... Not today.....
What about with stuff like this, just bring her one instead of calling to see if she wants one. Hand it to her and say "Surprise". That's not pursuing, that's thinking of her as you would a friend.
I am not a male, and I personally think when the W cheats on the H, its a MUCH harder role than being a W of a cheater. You walk that fine line of being a 'man' or being walked on....I get that, and believe it is harder. But, you might (I am NO expert) be taking on this 'tough' love thing a little too much. Maybe pulling it out into areas where it doesn't need to be. Wife likes coffee/tea. If you go, bring her one, if you are there. Wife doesn't want to quit an affair, then you are strong and a brick wall. Make sense? I guess I am saying that your W isn't actively enthralled in an A, in fact she seems to be coming back to you. You don't have to turn off everything to show her you are tough...She might think you don't care one way or another...
I am not a male, and I personally think when the W cheats on the H, its a MUCH harder role than being a W of a cheater. You walk that fine line of being a 'man'
LWB...... Not to sound like a male chauvinist pig but.........I do think it is harder. I think this because (not that I disrespect a woman as a person) This A$$ hole came into my home at took something that was MINE.... I think the male Ego has allot to do with my feelings......he took something that was cherished by me. Something you can not buy.....Yes I know my wife kind of "gave" it too him but it was not his to take.....Today at work I grabbed a smock at work and a lady left some money in the pocket....(about 25.00) did I take it????? NO... it was not mine to take... I beleave my W was in a bad place.... she was confused... Like some of the women here... I am not saying anyone here would cheat on their husbands but lets face it allot of women here are hurt, they feel rejected, they feel that they have not value.... (all untrue) but.... here comes some guy that fills the void in their lives, tells them what they want to hear, tells them how beautiful they are.It would be hard not to cling on to such a man....ok I am sorry I will get off my soap box now but you hit a sore spot with your "understanding" of the male perspective... again at the risk of being a pig.... it seems that with women it’s more of a completion thing.. But with a man it more his pride...... Either way it's wrong....... I know what you mean about bringing the coffee home, this is something I should think about but I need to take it farther......I do need to make her think I don't care anymore.... It's a fine line.....Ya see people always want what the can't have..... It's like a new toy..... A kid wants it and it’s the most fantastic toy in the store... but after you get it in a few days its old.....Unless you really worked for something it's no big deal when ya get it.... owns it.....As long as Wife thinks I will be around no mater want then why should she commit??? Think of it this way.... If someone gave you a million dollars, you would think WOW this is great.... but if you got a million dollars every week no mater what you did the getting a million dollars would be not big deal. Yes Lwb in the perfect world you would treat other as you want to be treated... but in a married life...... you can’t afford to become predictable.... the mystery is gone and if what you want is going to be around every week no mater what you do then that means you can do what ever you want.... understand????? Not sure I do...
Dr Love.....
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Just so we are clear husband, you and I agree. Its harder to be the betrayed husband than it is to be a betrayed wife. Some might disagree. I know that OW's H agrees, and most men that I have asked.
I see what you mean about being mysterious. Your Vegas trip? Mysterious. You ignoring that W might want coffee too? Borderline insensitive. You need to show that your life WILL go on without W, you don't need to show that you hate W.
You ignoring that W might want coffee too? Borderline insensitive. You need to show that your life WILL go on without W, you don't need to show that you hate W.
HUGS!
Thanks for the 2X4
Ya you are right....... bed time
Night DR L.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Just so we are clear husband, you and I agree. Its harder to be the betrayed husband than it is to be a betrayed wife. Some might disagree.
Now you just KNOW guys I am going to disagree with this one. I think it has been just as hard for me as a woman. I think this is a personal issue. Maybe sometimes I think too much like a guy and I know I tend to favour the 'tough love' approach.
I do think it is harder for a guy maybe to take the DB approach. I have great respect for both the guys and gals who have DBed in some truly awful situations. I know that if I was in either lwb or husband's shoes I would never have been able to show the patience and compassion that both of you have shown - but that's just me
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
How did it go at the doc's?? I may not have a kilt but I could give ya a massage in my man panites... no wait actually I could not.... I would not be able to "contain" myself......I know what you are saying about the hurt. I can not see it through a woman's eyes so I can not say, And evern it I was a woman (Which I am not). How it affected me would be differant that how it would affect others..... BUT......Saffie you have to admit that the Woman controls the sex MORE than the man does....And that is a powerful "weapon". I know it is bringing me down.... Everyone was right, as time goes by it is not so much the fact that she had sex with the OM anymore.... Now it's about the rejection I am getting....Ok no more talk about sex..... Did I post about my FREE all you can eat Crab and pasta dinner??? Ya my W cousin called and wants me to do "security" at her event and I get a free ticket.....$35.00 (wait talking about sex then crabs does not seem right)
Boy.....you made me laugh with your last line about sex and crabs!!!!!!!!
The guy I went to see was amazing. He didn't have his kilt on today - obviously he wears that for the horses benefit and not the ladies, (or he's just as confused and F'ed up as the rest of us ), but he was amazing!!!!!
He didn't actually touch my neck but started off by doing an overall assessment of my posture and muscle etc and came out with some amazing stuff.( I sure am glad I put matching undies on that were in good condition!!!!!). He said that physically my skeletal structure was still stuck around my mid teens. He then asked me if I had been dragged by a horse at that age and kicked under the jaw - WTF? I had been. He even told me I had been dragged by my right leg - I can't remember which leg I was dragged by - but then he went on to tell me that all my problems stem from that. He will treat me over the next 18 months and thinks he can sort me out completely. He said that my body will change shape, (for the better I hope), and that I should end up absolutely pain free.
He crunched my whole body around but didn't touch my neck at all - the closest he got was when he did quite an extreme manouvre on my skull, but afterwards I was so much straighter!!!
I go back in a fortnight for my next treatment and then he thinks it will be every couple of months or so for a while. Even better he is covered by my medical insurance!!!!!
I am having a VERY good day - yipee!!!!!!!!!!!
BTW husband, I do get that with nice guys the women 'control' the sex and that it is not nice to be not wanted. I also think women can cope better on the whole, (but not all women) within a sexless R, but when it comes to betrayal and the S wandering off and having extra marital sex I think it can hurt the LBS just as much whether they be male or female. Do you see the distinction I am making?
It's about time your W stepped up to the plate.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Yep I picked up two Coffees on the way home and gave one to W. She smiles and said thanks..... The water is rising...... All of the creeks are full and the water is still coming down from the hills..... My house will not flood but I drove around and saw stupid people stuck on flooded streets... (Stupid people they think they have JEEPS).
Today was a good day.... aside from the weather....well need to get back to work on my "vacation plans".....22 more days.....
You need my love baby oh so bad You're not the only one I've ever had And if I say I wanna set you free Don't you know you'll be in misery They call me
Doctor Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Well I made it to work.... the hwy going south is shut down...it's under water but.... I work north of town... driving to work (it's still dark) I was the only car on the road... the outlet malls are flooded, so are the car lots... Driving down the hwy was like driving on a leavy.. both sides were flooded.... The crab feed that I am sopposed to do security is in a rural area outside of town... don't know if it will be still on.... Funny the used to call Cops flat foot.. (among other stuff)I sometimes wonder what people would say if they knew I had a fake leg.....I got some funny stories about that some day when I am bored I can tell ya. As ya all know I am off to Vegas in..........21 More Days..... I was on the computer planning my ghost town exploration and I found out that W was there a long time ago... She wants to show me some slides she took..... Cool...... I told her I was not going to be home tonight because of the "security" job (FREE DINNER W COUSIN)... I also found out that Cousin did not talk to her about it....
I brought my Camara so when I get off work if things are still flooded I can post some pics if ya all want
Later
Dr Love
You need my love baby oh so bad,You're not the only one I've ever had And if I say I wanna set you free,Don't you know you'll be in misery
